Skinny Jeans

So, It seems I have reached the "mid-life crisis" time in my life...it feels strange to get older, but I really didn't know I was getting older till everyone around me became younger!  All of a sudden, college students look like they should still be in middle school.  Grandmothers look more like moms than grandmas.  Such a weird thing to happen, so maybe that is where the "crisis" comes from - everyone around me is getting younger - what is happening?? It's like the movie, "honey, I shrunk the kids" but with people's age instead of size! This definitely would be considered a crisis!

For instance, I am driving down the road, singing to Barry Manilow pumping out on my speakers, when I look over at the car next to me at the stop light and a tiny little 10 year old is sitting behind the wheel! I think it must be some kind of mistake, until I realize that the whole car is full of little 10 year olds enjoying their day out with their car thumping around them. Weird.  I walk into a Doctor's office and a nice old lady nurse takes my blood pressure.  I sit on the little table with paper while I wait to meet the new Doctor.  The next thing I know, in walks a high school kid dressed up like a Doctor! I try not to look alarmed and talk in a normal voice, but what is going on?? How can a high school kid be finished with years of medical school to now be a Doctor?  I used to watch Doogie Howser M.D. but, this is ridiculous!

One such event, where I realized my age, was after I went shopping with my friend - who is younger than me, by the way.  I had recently lost some weight and was looking for some "cute" jeans.  We attacked many stores in the mall searching for the ones I wanted, but none seemed to be "just right".  We dragged ourselves into the last store, and can you believe it? I found the PERFECT jeans! They fit! - a tad tight, but hey, I DID just arrive at this new size. They were a "new" look for me, but I was so excited they fit that I came out to show my younger friend.  My friend looked down at my legs with a strange expression on her face and smiled - or was it a giggle? - I guess I should have taken that as a sign.  I said, "I love them! They are so cute!" What was she supposed to say to that?  Well, she said, "are you sure?  They do look good, but..." Looking down at the torn, distressed jean, I was a tad doubtful now.  "Well...I guess my kids will laugh when I bring them home...maybe I shouldn't get them" I say with sad resignation.  

Then, I was saved by the 12 year old sales clerk! She was so cute as she smiled at me with her lip piercing (do 12 year olds get lip piercings?) and said, "Wow! Those look great! I wish my mom would wear something like that!" She was the best sales clerk I had ever met - and so honest too!  I looked in the mirror with a new light in my eye and skip to my step...yup ...that little sales clerk was sooo right! I do look good in these little trendy jeans.  So, I said - why not?  and took them to the register.  I was so excited, I felt as if I had just made a new friend...a very cute and trendy new friend!

Now, my girls were both teens at the time and I had already begun to hear them tell me things I was "too old" to be wearing.  Certain brands, for those of you who don't have teenage girls to teach you these things, are off limits after you turn 32 - or become a mom? Not sure, but possibly whichever comes first.  I had a feeling that my family would not appreciate my cute and trendy new jeans as much as I did, but I figured they would just let this one slide...you know? 

Have you ever bought something in a store only to bring it home and ask, "why did I buy this"?  I actually didn't have time to ask myself this question because my family was unexpectedly standing near the doorway when I arrived home from my shopping spree.  I decided to show them my adorable new trendy - not old lady - jeans.  I began to pull the jeans out of the bag when my oldest daughter made a strangled screeching type of sound.  I thought something terrible must have happened to her while standing next to me by the door.  As a concerned mother, I turned to look up at her and she was covering her mouth with her hands as her eyes bulged out of her head - she whispered in a strange, strangled voice, "Mom! They're....they're...BEDAZZLED!"  My youngest daughter started laughing and my husband was shaking his head.  Now, obviously, my kids don't know the meaning of bedazzled - that is when you create a design or pattern with rhinestone type beading gems.  These jeans were definitely NOT bedazzled.  Okay, they did have a few very large rhinestones on all four corners of the pockets, but they were not in any type of design or pattern... therefore, not bedazzled...silly kids!  They also didn't seem to think the tight skinny jean style with the ripped look in the front was something I should be wearing...hmm....that maybe a good point. 

I actually thought about keeping the jeans in my closet so I could wear them when I was alone in the house cleaning, it crossed my mind more than once, but I didn't.  I reluctantly took my "too young for me" jeans back to the store.  While I wiped a small tear from my eye, I said goodbye to my new cute and trendy friend. 

Just when I thought this terrible ordeal was over, the 50- something sales lady at the return counter looked at the jeans as she scanned my return.  She said, "Wow! These jeans are SOOOO cute!!"  I agreed, but explained that I had two teenagers who had taught me the truth about my age, and that I guess I was now officially too old to wear such a youthful thing.  The lady gave me a sympathetic smile as she said, "I understand".  I guess she had to return her new cute and trendy friend at one time in the past after bringing it home to show her teens...it actually made me feel warm inside that someone understood.  I am not the first to come to this clothing crisis in my life...other brave women have already walked this path.

To those of you who have gone ahead of me in this crisis of life, I thank you for your bravery to continue to seek out an "appropriate" style.  I applaud you for walking through the dark time of grief as you had to pass by the "youthful, trendy, yet inappropriate" stores in search for a more "mid-life" type of retail.  I will walk this path of "crisis" with the knowledge that I am not alone.  

For those of you who may not have entered into this process of certain items being "off limits" for you, please do not judge those of us who are strolling the mall with "mom" jeans or matching purple velor jogging suits...it was not our first choice, possibly not our second or third, but when you are in the middle of the "crisis" the choices begin to run out.  Do not be judgmental as you too will reach this place of mid-life at one point in your life.  I pray you will be able to walk into your mid-life as those before you...with a tear and with a smile, knowing you can finally wear that comfy purple velor suit...because nobody really cares anymore.  One thing that may help you as you step into this new world of "crisis" is the words of wisdom given to me by a friend in a card.  I have written the wise words here for you to hold onto.  This will be the wisdom that will help you through:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the fact

I cannot fit into some jeans;

the courage to wear the jeans I should;

and the wisdom to know the difference.