The American Dream...?

Sometimes  I get caught up in life and forget. I begin to look around and see all of the people, with all of the things. I begin to believe the host of the network is speaking truth. I begin to think that my faults are seen by everyone and if I could only be perfect - then, life would be too.

I have grown up in a middle class area of America my whole life. I forget what life is sometimes. I see what I see and follow what they say. Perfect is beautiful - not so perfect is not. Things will make it better and the more you have, the better your life will be....at least that is what they are telling me.

I sit here wondering...what about God?  Does He want perfect people to work with? Does He want me to collect all I can while here on earth?  This is what I am thinking...

When Jesus was on the earth - His best buddies smelled like fish and took a little extra cash on the job before meeting him. They never seemed to say the right things, and I did not read in any book of the Bible that they were Hebrew Top Models.They were ordinary, not perfect people. They did not have much according to the Israeli Times. They slept outside with Jesus many nights. They walked many miles without Louis Vuitton sandals and it even says they would eat as they traveled...Matthew 12:1 

I wonder why I always look around me and see what others have or what they do and decide who I am. I judge myself and sometimes others by the "American Dream". I need a nice car, nicer house and the best clothes in order to fit in. My body must look like an Olympic beach volleyball player if I want others to love me and think I am beautiful. I need many friends around me and we need to go out to many places so that many people will see that we are "cool". 

God loves each of us and I believe He is sad when He sees us believing the "American Dream" instead of God's Dream. He is sad that our lives revolve around things that will rust and be thrown away...instead of looking to God Himself for our happiness. It says in 1 John 4:8 that God is Love.  If you don't have love in your life right now... if you can't find the joy in your stuff anymore...look to God. He is waiting for us to look away from the mirror and the magazines and look for Him. He is there...when you seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him. 

What do you think? Should we begin to live a life of freedom and love? Can we learn to stop listening to the voices of this world that tell us who we are and what we should attain? Will we seek God and find our true meaning in life...our true happiness? Paul writes to the Galatians in the Bible and asks, "am I trying to please God or man?"

I am still trying to learn this lesson of listening to the right voice. It is difficult to not follow what the world is telling us...it is all around us, showing us what happiness looks like. I do know, though, that when I listen to God and choose to follow Him rather than the American Dream, I find peace, happiness and the freedom to be who God created me to be...just me.

Skinny Jeans

So, It seems I have reached the "mid-life crisis" time in my life...it feels strange to get older, but I really didn't know I was getting older till everyone around me became younger!  All of a sudden, college students look like they should still be in middle school.  Grandmothers look more like moms than grandmas.  Such a weird thing to happen, so maybe that is where the "crisis" comes from - everyone around me is getting younger - what is happening?? It's like the movie, "honey, I shrunk the kids" but with people's age instead of size! This definitely would be considered a crisis!

For instance, I am driving down the road, singing to Barry Manilow pumping out on my speakers, when I look over at the car next to me at the stop light and a tiny little 10 year old is sitting behind the wheel! I think it must be some kind of mistake, until I realize that the whole car is full of little 10 year olds enjoying their day out with their car thumping around them. Weird.  I walk into a Doctor's office and a nice old lady nurse takes my blood pressure.  I sit on the little table with paper while I wait to meet the new Doctor.  The next thing I know, in walks a high school kid dressed up like a Doctor! I try not to look alarmed and talk in a normal voice, but what is going on?? How can a high school kid be finished with years of medical school to now be a Doctor?  I used to watch Doogie Howser M.D. but, this is ridiculous!

One such event, where I realized my age, was after I went shopping with my friend - who is younger than me, by the way.  I had recently lost some weight and was looking for some "cute" jeans.  We attacked many stores in the mall searching for the ones I wanted, but none seemed to be "just right".  We dragged ourselves into the last store, and can you believe it? I found the PERFECT jeans! They fit! - a tad tight, but hey, I DID just arrive at this new size. They were a "new" look for me, but I was so excited they fit that I came out to show my younger friend.  My friend looked down at my legs with a strange expression on her face and smiled - or was it a giggle? - I guess I should have taken that as a sign.  I said, "I love them! They are so cute!" What was she supposed to say to that?  Well, she said, "are you sure?  They do look good, but..." Looking down at the torn, distressed jean, I was a tad doubtful now.  "Well...I guess my kids will laugh when I bring them home...maybe I shouldn't get them" I say with sad resignation.  

Then, I was saved by the 12 year old sales clerk! She was so cute as she smiled at me with her lip piercing (do 12 year olds get lip piercings?) and said, "Wow! Those look great! I wish my mom would wear something like that!" She was the best sales clerk I had ever met - and so honest too!  I looked in the mirror with a new light in my eye and skip to my step...yup ...that little sales clerk was sooo right! I do look good in these little trendy jeans.  So, I said - why not?  and took them to the register.  I was so excited, I felt as if I had just made a new friend...a very cute and trendy new friend!

Now, my girls were both teens at the time and I had already begun to hear them tell me things I was "too old" to be wearing.  Certain brands, for those of you who don't have teenage girls to teach you these things, are off limits after you turn 32 - or become a mom? Not sure, but possibly whichever comes first.  I had a feeling that my family would not appreciate my cute and trendy new jeans as much as I did, but I figured they would just let this one slide...you know? 

Have you ever bought something in a store only to bring it home and ask, "why did I buy this"?  I actually didn't have time to ask myself this question because my family was unexpectedly standing near the doorway when I arrived home from my shopping spree.  I decided to show them my adorable new trendy - not old lady - jeans.  I began to pull the jeans out of the bag when my oldest daughter made a strangled screeching type of sound.  I thought something terrible must have happened to her while standing next to me by the door.  As a concerned mother, I turned to look up at her and she was covering her mouth with her hands as her eyes bulged out of her head - she whispered in a strange, strangled voice, "Mom! They're....they're...BEDAZZLED!"  My youngest daughter started laughing and my husband was shaking his head.  Now, obviously, my kids don't know the meaning of bedazzled - that is when you create a design or pattern with rhinestone type beading gems.  These jeans were definitely NOT bedazzled.  Okay, they did have a few very large rhinestones on all four corners of the pockets, but they were not in any type of design or pattern... therefore, not bedazzled...silly kids!  They also didn't seem to think the tight skinny jean style with the ripped look in the front was something I should be wearing...hmm....that maybe a good point. 

I actually thought about keeping the jeans in my closet so I could wear them when I was alone in the house cleaning, it crossed my mind more than once, but I didn't.  I reluctantly took my "too young for me" jeans back to the store.  While I wiped a small tear from my eye, I said goodbye to my new cute and trendy friend. 

Just when I thought this terrible ordeal was over, the 50- something sales lady at the return counter looked at the jeans as she scanned my return.  She said, "Wow! These jeans are SOOOO cute!!"  I agreed, but explained that I had two teenagers who had taught me the truth about my age, and that I guess I was now officially too old to wear such a youthful thing.  The lady gave me a sympathetic smile as she said, "I understand".  I guess she had to return her new cute and trendy friend at one time in the past after bringing it home to show her teens...it actually made me feel warm inside that someone understood.  I am not the first to come to this clothing crisis in my life...other brave women have already walked this path.

To those of you who have gone ahead of me in this crisis of life, I thank you for your bravery to continue to seek out an "appropriate" style.  I applaud you for walking through the dark time of grief as you had to pass by the "youthful, trendy, yet inappropriate" stores in search for a more "mid-life" type of retail.  I will walk this path of "crisis" with the knowledge that I am not alone.  

For those of you who may not have entered into this process of certain items being "off limits" for you, please do not judge those of us who are strolling the mall with "mom" jeans or matching purple velor jogging suits...it was not our first choice, possibly not our second or third, but when you are in the middle of the "crisis" the choices begin to run out.  Do not be judgmental as you too will reach this place of mid-life at one point in your life.  I pray you will be able to walk into your mid-life as those before you...with a tear and with a smile, knowing you can finally wear that comfy purple velor suit...because nobody really cares anymore.  One thing that may help you as you step into this new world of "crisis" is the words of wisdom given to me by a friend in a card.  I have written the wise words here for you to hold onto.  This will be the wisdom that will help you through:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the fact

I cannot fit into some jeans;

the courage to wear the jeans I should;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Lessons from Mandy

Did you know that you can learn life lessons without taking a class?  I have learned many life lessons throughout the years but some of the most important were learned in high school.  I had an amazing friend in high school who became one of my best friends I have had in life.  Unfortunately, we both moved and did not stay in close contact as much through the years, but I will always remember what Mandy taught me about life. 

While in high school, many kids think they need to be "popular" or "cool".  I was neither.  I was not well known in school and I did not get invited to many "events" outside of my church youth group.  Mandy and I hung out at school and I was able to be myself around her.  She showed me that you don't have to be perfect to be pretty.  We would drive to DQ for our half hour lunch and put our lipgloss on as we drove back to class.  We knew we weren't as beautiful as some of the other girls in school, but when we were together, we didn't care.  We knew we were pretty and that our smiles would show the real beauty we had - the beauty inside. 

We would talk about God and boys and whatever else you talk about when you are 16.  I could talk to Mandy about anything.  She would tell me when I was chasing the wrong guy or looking for other people's approval when I should be worried about doing what was right.  Mandy and I talked for hours about nothing and everything.  I didn't worry about saying the "right" thing around Mandy, because we didn't have to be perfect - just ourselves.  It was so refreshing to not have to act one way around her and turn around to be another person when I was alone - that is a true friend...to be able to accept each other as you are and love each other anyway.

One thing I remember the most about hanging out with Mandy was her laugh.  We laughed together all the time.  I think we talked and laughed through most of our choir class we took our senior year!  We giggled and were silly and many other kids thought we were a little strange I think, but the fun part about it was that we didn't care what the other kids thought - we just had a lot of fun!  I remember falling into fits of laughter until tears were streaming down our faces and our stomachs hurt...over absolutely nothing!  

We actually signed up for a bike trip for our church youth group.  The bike trip took us from Flint, Mi all the way to Mackinaw Island, which was a very long trip!  Why did we sign up to ride a ten speed bike 80 miles a day for 5 days through the baking sun and pouring rain? Is it because we loved the wind on our faces? Was it the fashionable bike helmets we had to wear? Could it be for the amazing cardio exercise of riding a bike for miles on end? Nope...it was boys.  We spent a week in pup tents and rain and sore muscles just because most of the other teens who had signed up for this trip was BOYS! It is funny what you will do with a friend when you are only sixteen.  We would wake up and fix our hair in a small outdoor "restroom" before walking over to our bikes and buckling our helmets on! Yes, we were a little crazy.

I hope that you will be as lucky as I was to have a friend in your life like Mandy.  A friend you can talk to, cry with, laugh with and just be yourself with.  I have had many other friends throughout my life, but none like Mandy.  She was the silly fun friend that I could let loose and just enjoy life with.  Thank you Mandy for being a true friend.  You showed me how to laugh and enjoy the moment. You taught me that it is okay to be myself and not worry about what others think about me.  You showed me that I can have a lot of fun while living for God...and you showed me that sore muscles can be worth it sometimes! Love you girl...

Our 20th Anniversary!

When I began this Blog, I didn't intend it to be a journal of my life.  My daughter had told me that is what a Blog is supposed to be, basically, a "log" of things happening.  I enjoy reading other people's Blogs of all the interesting things they are doing around the world.  It just doesn't seem that my life is all that interesting compared to those living in the jungle, so I planned to write stories and just try out blogging to see how it went.  Well, lately, our lives and my Blog have been full of events, birthdays and other happenings.  I guess my Blog will change along with our life.  I will create original stories one day, then stories of my life another.  I am excited to be able to share what I am learning and what God teaches me in my life.  Well...I don't really have a story today, but I do have a special event.  It is my husband and my 20th Anniversary!  We have been married for 20 years...I can't believe it!  I just realized, which makes me feel a tad old...that I have been married for half my life!

Now that I am older and wiser, I guess I will pass along a little of what I have learned through the years.  To you who are not yet married, pray for your future spouse.  Don't just plead with God to give you a "good man" - pray for the attributes you want in a husband.  Pray for that man and the family he grows up with.  My husband and I pray for our two girls' future husbands.  We have prayed for their husbands from the time they were born - actually, before they were born!  This is such an important thing in life.  You want God to match you with who He has for you.  God knows exactly who you are and who you need in your life because He knows what your journey holds.  

I thank God for Dennis.  He is exactly what I need in my life.  We love to head to the beach together in the summer months to just sit and enjoy the water, boats and a cold Coke while reading a book or listening to our iPods.  He is kind, loving, handsome and makes me a better person.  That is what you want in a mate.  Someone who loves you as you are, but encourages you to be a better you.  Someone who enjoys spending time with you even if you are just sitting on the beach reading different books together.  Dennis is quite different than me...I tend to look at the negative things in life - he always sees the positive.  I am just a bit impatient when driving (my kids have exaggerated before and have called it road rage).  Dennis slams on the brakes, smiles at the other driver who almost sent us into the ditch and keeps singing the song on the radio!  I sometimes tend to complain about people or events that happen in my daily life. Dennis just nods and never has anything negative to say.  He has taught me how to be more like Christ.  Love others even when it is tough, don't talk down on anyone and always put God first, family second and life will be blessed.  Now, I didn't say you would have a perfect life or be rich, but God can bless you even through difficult times.  He can bless you with peace, joy and a knowledge that you are doing what God wants you to do.

Pray that God will lead you and your husband in what God has planned for your life.  The world tells us to get a career, stay with it and retire with a good income.  God says, "follow me".  I am not saying that if you have a career or retire from the same position after 40 years, that you were not following God.  I am just encouraging you to ask!  Pray first about what God has for your life.  Sometimes, we plan our lives and don't even bother to ask God what He has planned for us.  If we leave God out of the plan, we will miss many of His blessings.  God has lead Dennis and I many places and a few times we have had to move to a new city.  The amazing thing is this:  we would both know what our next step was and have a peace about it before moving ahead. God told Dennis and I both when we were to be done living in one city and when to begin to pack for the next.  We have lived on faith at times, packing before God shows us where we were going!  

I remember one such time in our lives...it happened during church camp up in northern Michigan.  Dennis was praying for the service in a back room with another Pastor while I was sitting out in the service alone.  I was enjoying worship time, but as I sang, I felt a stirring in my soul.  I can't explain it really, but I knew we would be done as Pastor and wife at our church soon.  I was singing a song but feeling nervous about leaving a wonderful church family who had become our family in the six years we were there.  I was questioning God on  how we could leave and begin again in a new place with two young girls.  As I sat down, a man directly in front of me had a t shirt on with a saying on the back.  I read his shirt, "Celebrate new beginnings".  I knew God was speaking to me and I knew that shirt had just answered my question.  No one had spoken to me, no big lightning bolts, but God had spoken through the silence and I knew we would be moving.  As Dennis came out of the building, I was waiting for him.  It was a beautiful sunny day and I remember the Chapel behind Dennis and his slow gait across the grass. We looked at each other and I knew - he knew.  I just said, "we're done here, aren't we?"  He hugged me and said, "yes".  He had been praying in the back room and felt God speak to him about us leaving our home to begin someplace else - he was trying to figure out how he would tell me when the service was over!  

This seems to be our life!! God has lead us to five different cities with our two girls.  Some people did not understand how we could pick up and move so easily to new cities while our girls were still in school.  What they didn't know was that it was not easy, but very difficult to leave a comfortable place to go into the unknown, but we also had a peace that we were doing what God wanted and an excitement to see what God had planned for us next.  What our girls learned, other than how to be a "new kid" at school, is how to follow God.  Though it was heartbreaking to watch my two little girls say goodbye to friends, I have a full heart knowing my girls know how to listen first to what God has planned for them before they step out on their own.  If they listen to God first, they will not miss the blessings God has for their life...even in the tough times.

I have learned that my husband is my best friend.  I can talk to him about anything - even when I am complaining!  One thing I love most about being married to Dennis is dreaming with him about our future.  After that day at camp, when we felt our life was changing, we began to pray and seek out what was next.  We felt that God wanted us to begin a new church and we had even gotten direction from our church district of where we could begin this new adventure.  Dennis and I went out for dinner on a "dream date" as we call it.  We threw out ideas of what we could do, how to begin a new church, what we wanted a new church to look like, what we would want presented to those who never went to a church and how we would take this next step together.

We have taken many new steps in the world together and I have loved sharing this adventure called life with Dennis.  We plan to continue to seek God in our next steps. God has shown us how much He can change our lives even while staying in one city!  Dennis has begun writing a book that should be done this summer and I have begun a new adventure speaking out for women who are at risk of being forced into a life of sexual exploitation around the world.  I can tell you...both of us never knew we would be doing these two things in our lifetime! God has so many surprises and adventures for us...and for you...if you just ask Him first what His plan is for your life.

Happy Anniversary Dennis! I love you and I am so glad we can continue to dream together...and see what the next adventure is around the corner...hopefully it includes the beach! See you tonight on our "dream date".

Her 15th Birthday

It's her 15th birthday today! How can this be? My little toddler dragging around her two, yes two, blankets wherever she goes to hanging out at the mall with her friends.  Soon she will be driving - she has already been asking to practice in an empty lot, which we have been able to put off till now.  But, we all know she will learn to drive, learn to fly...learn to be who God has created her to be.

That is the one thing I pray she will hold onto as tightly as she held onto those two blankets when she was a toddler.  That God has created her to be something amazing.  It says in Psalm 139:13, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb".  Yes, she was created when she was still inside of me.  God knit her together to be who she is supposed to be.  God created her for a certain purpose.  We see glimpses of it, but I am excited as the years pass to see how it will all be put together for God's purpose.  I see a happy teen, a fun girl who likes to laugh with her friends.  I see someone who is intelligent and witty.  One thing I love about Morgan is that she can talk to anyone - she can sit with a toddler and play with a bear, or sit with an elderly person and ask about their day.  She sat with a Pastor who was visiting from Africa and before we knew it, they were teasing each other about her dislike of plane rides.  She has such an easy spirit about her and she can get along with almost anyone around.

I know that God is already using Morgan's life to touch those around her. God created Morgan with a plan, and that plan  includes a time in her life as a 15 year old teen.  God doesn't wait to use us when we graduate, or when we get a career...or when we finally "reach our dream".  God is so much greater than we can see or understand.  He is using a young teenage girl to be a friend, to cheer up her mom with a hug when she has a bad day, to hang out with her dad on the tennis courts and be a sister to be silly with.  God has used her in school with not only her classmates, but to effect the lives of her teachers and those around her. She is a kind and faithful friend who creates laughter almost anyplace she goes.  God is not waiting for her to grow up in order to show her the "reason" she was created...she was created for now.  For her 15th Birthday - to go have dinner and share a DQ ice cream cake with her family.  

I am so glad God created Morgan.  I am glad that I am able to be a part of this plan for her life.  She will be 16 before we know it and driving her friends to the mall, but for now...Happy 15th Birthday Morgan!  I know God's purpose for your life has already begun and I am excited to see what's next.  Thanks for letting us be a part of it all.

Last Day of High School

It's her last day of high school.  I can't believe how fast the time has flown by.  When my daughters were young and I was chasing them around, I remember the older women in our church would say with a sad, far-away look in their eyes, "I know it is hard, but enjoy them now because it goes by fast and then they are gone".  Back then, I didn't think it would ever arrive.  Who knew that the tiara and flowing princess dress would turn into a flat, square cap and matching gown?  

Watching my little 3 year old who sang her words and talked to anyone who walked by turn into a young lady who speaks with respect and smiles at those around.  My 6 year old teetering on a skateboard and roller blades has turned into a 16 year old driving an old red mustang with broken windshield wipers. My 10 year old girl who thought she knew everything changes and knows she is just learning what she will need to know.  My 12 year old who wanted to try everything new is now beginning to step out to do just that.  My 15 year old who wanted to learn to drive a car so bad is now going to drive that car down to a University in Indiana very soon.

My daughter is sad to end one chapter in her life, but she has read enough books to know there is another chapter beginning as she turns the page.  This chapter has taught her how to have wisdom in tough situations, how to depend on God when there seems to be no one else to depend on, how to be a leader when you don't plan to lead and how to enjoy life in the midst of crazy, busy days!

I am so proud of my daughter as she steps out of her high school for the last time.  She has shown me that within the halls of life, she has chosen to look to God as her teacher.  Today, she will walk out the doors of this red and white world and open the door to an amazing world of color!  God, as her teacher, will be by her side as she walks down the sidewalk and into another life.  She will not have to begin the next chapter alone.  She is praying, as I and her dad are, for God to lead her in her next steps.  I know that God will show her what that is!

Congratulations Mackenzie! We love you and are very Proud of you...

My Big Brother

To be honest with you, I have a terrible memory.  I may have already told you that in one of my previous blogs, but I don't remember if I did or not!  Sometimes I feel bad that I can't remember things from my past.  I have some friends who speak about their childhood and high school years as if it was yesterday - believe me, it wasn't.  I only have small snapshots of my past. I am not sure why my brain works like that.  I had a happy and safe childhood, I just don't seem to have it on a film running through my brain...just small glimpses into the past.

Some of the things I remember are things I did with  my brother...like having a water gun battle in the basement, then getting in trouble together. The next thing I remember is wiping the dripping water off the walls with towels, towels and more towels!  We cheered for each other as we took turns water skiing up north at our grandparents' cottage...we tried skiing together on two ropes a few times, but he kept spraying me with his slalom ski as he went back and forth, so I think I was the one to stop that "fun" idea.  We found a turtle while canoeing and took it back to Grandpa's garage to paint our names on the top before paddling back into the lily pads to send him home.

One time, we set up a huge neighborhood production of "Star Wars" in our back yard with the neighbor kids.  We built a large space ship out of a box and acted out what we thought was the movie.  I was so excited to be Princess Leia and my friend, who was a boy, was Luke Skywalker. My excitement faded when the older kids, including my brother, said we HAD to kiss to make the play complete. So that is when I got my first, very fastest kiss - YUCK!

My brother used to play little league baseball, so I would tag along with my parents to watch all his games.  I thought it was great since I would be able to get candy and a "graveyard" from the concession stand to keep me entertained during the game.  Many of you may not know this delicious drink I speak of, but back in the day, they only had a few choices of fountain pop.  We would get them ALL in one cup together - Coke, Sprite, Orange, and Root Beer! We thought we were the coolest. 

It's funny the things you remember about the past. The small snapshots I remember are also filled with emotions.  If I had to figure out an emotion that I felt when I was with my brother it is: safe.  I knew my brother would take care of me.  I was excited to follow him wherever he went when I was little or have him drive me places when we became teens.   I always felt safe by his side because he was my big brother.

As we grow older, and my brother has another birthday, I look back and thank God for giving me a brother to grow up with.  My oldest daughter is going away to college this fall, but you know what I realized?  She will be living in the same town as my big brother.  As I say goodbye to my little girl, I look back and see myself as a little girl again...I see my brother by my side and I know she will be fine.  My brother and his amazing wife will provide a safe place for her when she needs it.  They will be there when I am too far away to give her a hug.  You see...when you can't remember the memories of the past, you are always able to create new ones!  My daughter will now have new memories of spending a few weekend nights around my brother's bonfire, sharing a Coke or a "graveyard" and a few silly stories of kids playing "Star Wars" and having water gun battles in a basement. 

Happy Birthday Big Brother! Thanks for growing up by my side...take care of my little girl for me.