Chocolate or No Chocolate...that is the Question!

So, this is the story that started with me minding my own business.  At least, I thought I was minding my own business. You see, we were on a short trip up north to get away...just my husband, two daughters and myself. We packed all of our belongings in the back of the SUV for a long weekend and we hit the road. I don't much enjoy long car rides. I don't know if it is my husband's driving, or the mindless, unending road that stretches before us that tends to bob and weave to my husband's road rhythm. Either way, it is not my favorite pastime.  As we went on this four hour tour up to our former home to visit friends and relax, I began to listen to the music and pray while looking out the window...minding my own business. I was praying to God that this long weekend would help me know Him more and allow me to have a closer relationship with Him.

Then it happened. I don't know if I mentioned this already, but I was just minding my own business. I was not looking for a wonderful, spiritual experience. I did not plan to see Angel's flying around our SUV...although, I am sure they must have been there to keep up with my husband's road rhythm! I did not see it coming...just five simple words that hit me like a brick. They were so clear in my mind that I sat there holding my breath. I didn't want to believe that I even heard these five terrible words in the first place...it was horrifying!  As I was praying, I heard God speak to my mind and these were the five words: "No sugar for a year".  

Now, I am not sure what kind of woman you are, but if you are a nutritional guru or a Vegan, I don't think you will ever understand the effect these five words had on me. I am the type of woman who has tried diets. I can go on a die hard diet. I can stop eating sweets and eat healthy. But, after about three days of this die hard attitude, I am begging strangers on the street for just 2 little M&M's! I don't do well without my chocolate. I was picturing those strangers on the street as I sat in our SUV in a silent panic mode. I decided to not say anything...I would lay low with this information until I was alone with my husband that night. I needed time to digest this new information and figure out what exactly God could mean when He said, "No sugar for a year". It was quite a complex and confusing statement for me to try to examine on the road. I needed serious time and focus to try to analyze all of the hidden meanings in this statement.

That night, as my husband and I took a stroll along the lake, I broached the subject. I fessed up to what I had heard.  Throughout the day, as I analyzed the statement, I knew I hadn't been speaking to myself - you know how sometimes you talk to yourself in your mind? Am I the only one who does that? Well, I had ruled that out, because I obviously would NEVER say those five words to myself! So, I ran through the scenario with my husband and I even told him what I had figured it to be. It must have been Satan. It was so logical! You see, I realized that Satan tries to destroy our lives. He knows what type of person I become during my three day die-hard diets - and what better way to destroy my family than to have me in that state of mind for a whole year! That must be it...Satan knew what it would take to destroy our family and he was trying to fill my brain with crazy, illogical thoughts.  

Well, my husband did not seem to follow the same logical trail that I was on. He actually laughed at me. I was offended when he laughed, because it was his family that would be destroyed by this situation as much as mine. He obviously did not see the "big picture". He gave me the advice to wait a few days and put it out of my mind. Now, he was making more sense! I thought that maybe he was coming around to my side of the trail. Then he continued and said that if I stopped thinking about it and it continued to pop into my mind, then it was probably God trying to speak to me.

That is exactly what I did. I put it far out of my mind and enjoyed the rest of the night. I laid my head on the pillow ready for a peaceful night of rest. The next morning, awaking from my slumber...before I even had my little eyelids open, guess what popped into my head? You guessed it! "No sugar for a year". It kept nagging at me all week.  

You know how it is said that we are "children of God"? Well, that week I was a brat. I was not happy with this crazy idea that God continued to bounce around inside my mind. I was stomping my feet and arguing with the God of the Universe. Have you ever seen a child who had to leave a toy store when they were not quite ready to leave? Can you picture the dad calmly taking the toddler by the hand and leading them out of the store? That is the picture of me and God that week. I was throwing a tantrum the size of a preschool class, and God kept calmly answering everything I tried to throw at Him. I argued and asked questions. God always answered me with a Bible verse loud and clear back at me.  This is an example of the week:

"God, you know I can't go three days without sugar!"
           "In your weakness is my strength"

"God, this is the craziest thing you have asked me to do.  What if I don't want to do it?"
                "Not your will, but mine"

"God, this is impossible! You know I will never be able to go without sugar for an entire year!"
               "All things are possible with God"


So, you can see how this was going for me. Just to let you know, when you try to argue with the God who created you...you will probably lose the argument. I did.

I had a women's chocolate night set up for that Friday...ironic, I know! What that means, for those of you who have not enjoyed this wonderful experience, is that us girls had a night set up to watch movies. The "ticket" to get into the movie night was a chocolaty  snack. Yes, this was my idea.

You would think that this would be the part where I tell you that I canceled the chocolate night and stopped eating sugar...you would think. No, not me! I continued to stomp my feet and whine. I decided to make a "deal" with God. Just so you know, I do not encourage tantrums, stomping feet OR deals when you are speaking to God, but thankfully, God knows me and put up with my silly childish behavior - but remember, we were talking about chocolate - doesn't sound so silly now...does it?


Thankfully, I was not struck by a lightning bolt during this "Deal with God", although I would not have blamed God if He had chosen that avenue for His response.  I looked up at my ceiling and spoke to the God of the Universe...with the voice of a rebellious teenager; "Okay God, you said 'no sugar for a year' but you never told me what kind of sugar! Even apples have "sugar" in them...I would happily give up apples for a year. So, You have until Friday to tell me what kind of sugar. If you don't tell me before Friday, then no deal! If you do, then the chocolate party will be my last night of sugar for a year."  

I felt so proud of myself that I had figured out how to get out of this mess. I didn't ask to be in this situation and I was not going to give in easily. I felt at peace the next few days...no booming voices, no sugar stories in the Bible...I was pretty sure I had "won" this argument. I laid my head on my pillow Thursday night with a smug smile across my face. Nothing had happened. Tomorrow was Friday. I told God He had to tell me before Friday, or no deal...I was home free!

Did you know that God can speak to you in dreams? I forgot this tiny detail when I cuddled into my comfy blanket that night.  Waking up, I remembered my dream in great detail...

I walked up to an ice cream counter.  The woman behind the counter was a past friend who was also a nurse.  She asked, "would you like some ice cream...even though it's not good for you?" By the way, the ice cream she was scooping was my favorite Ben & Jerry's with giant chunks of chocolate in it.  I responded, "No thanks.  I'm not eating refined white sugar for a while."  Then, I woke up. 

Can you believe that? Now I knew. "NO DEAL". God had won. He told me the answer to my rebellious question. Now, I had to do it. I kept up my part of the "deal". Friday's chocolate party was my last day of sugar for a year. 

I found out that everything in America is made with "refined white sugar" in it. Many people found out about this story when they offered me candy at the school where I worked, cookies at Christmas and cake at graduations. My husband did not divorce me, my children did not disown me and I did not stop any strangers on the street!

God was right when He said that "all things are possible". He somehow wanted to show His strength to those around me by using my weakness for sugar. I never really had an answer to why God asked this of me. I know that people saw God's hand in my life during this time. I called it my "sugar fast" since I had given up sugar for God. One teenager in my church told me that she planned to fast lunch for a few days at school to pray for her friends. Her brother said that he couldn't go without lunch! She responded, "if Heidi can give up sugar for a year, we can give up lunch for a few days" and they did.

Those are the stories I loved to hear because it showed that God can use me even though I throw a fit and stomp my feet. He can use my life even when I don't want to be used! I think God will occasionally ask us to walk through something difficult in order to show us that we are not walking alone or in our own strength. Learn from my story...when you are throwing a fit - like a child in a toy store - about life and the situation you find yourself in, reach up for the hand of the Father. He will calmly lead you through life and show those around you what He can do with your life - if you let Him.
            

Lessons from the Cottage

It's funny the things you remember when you lose someone you love.  My grandpa passed away a few months ago.  Some of my favorite memories of him was the time we spent together at the Cottage.

When I was younger, my grandparents had a cottage on a lake in Northern Michigan.  I used to love going up to the cottage.  My grandma would make chocolate covered marshmallows and my grandpa would spend his days keeping us happy.  He taught us how to fish and how to clean the fish.  I was so proud as a 9 yr old girl that I could scrape the scales off the fish I had just caught and clean out the guts as I sat alongside my dad, my grandpa and my big brother.  I thought I was the luckiest girl ever!  I am sure some of my friends would not have felt so lucky at that very moment of gutting a fish...but I was the only girl there.  My mom and Grandma were inside the cottage while we were out in the garage getting messy.  I remember when we were done with the fish that my grandma had the pan all ready to fry them up!  My brother and I were so proud as we sat down to our fish fry that we had caught some of those big 3 inch pieces of fish at the table.  I think we even pointed them out and made sure we had "our" fish on our own plates to eat. 


At the cottage, one of the games Grandpa liked to play was called "Shark".  There was a floating dock a few yards away from the shore. We would swim out to the dock and basically play "tag" around the floating dock.  We would swim and look for Grandpa to try to catch him. We would have it all planned out and He would always get away with a giant grin on his face.  Sometimes, we would search for him and he wasn't there.  As we got older, we figured it out...he was ducking down in the water to swim under the dock to the other side...he had been there the whole time!


We played this game with Grandpa as long as I can remember.  Always splashing and laughing together.  Grandpa never treated me different because I was a girl.  He taught me everything he taught my brother.  I remember feeling like I could do anything I put my mind to.  He always encouraged me to try something new - or more difficult - like slalom skiing (one ski, not two!). 


My grandpa taught me to try new things, to get messy and enjoy life.  I think that is what God is trying to teach us too...He wants us to try new things, enjoy life and laugh.  Life will get messy sometimes, but He is always there for us.  Even when we feel like God is missing and we can't find Him...He is there waiting for us.  When we finally look away from our problems and look to Him, we will be able to see that He was there with us the whole time.