You know what I have come to realize through the years? That it's ok to not be ok. I know you are reading this and are now amazed at just how wise I am. You are probably wondering how I come up with these miraculous quotes all on my own. It does make you wonder how I do it - doesn't it?
Really, though. I think sometimes, especially those of us who are raised in a church, believe we must be ok all of the time. If our life is going bad and things are falling apart all around us, we feel that if we say anything to anyone, it will reflect badly on our God - who is able to do anything. We believe that if God is able to do anything, that he would surely not want us to go through a hard time or to suffer. That is where the confusion lies.
We all go through difficult times in our lives. Some, it seems, have a life full of trouble. When we look around, a few things are caused by our poor choices, and many we have no control over. So, what can we do during these times of hardship? How do we cope knowing God can do anything, and yet - it seems He is not.
In my own life trials and learnings, I feel that we just don't get it. Life. We think this life and our daily living is set up for us. For us to be happy and have all the fun toys to create an enjoyable time while we are here.We think this life is set up for us to be happy and if we are not having fun or we are not happy, then something is wrong. I am not against having fun, being happy or having toys. I love sitting at the beach on my day off and tuning out the world around me for a while. I do think God loves us and wants us to enjoy life, but I don't think that is what this is all about.
If you look back into the Bible, many of the disciples who walked with Jesus had a difficult time.Paul was shipwrecked, beaten and put in prison. If he was supposed to be on earth to be happy, I don't think he was doing such a great job of it!
God uses good and bad in our lives. It says in the Bible, "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but the title of this section of the Bible - in my own Bible, is "Present Suffering and Future Glory". I think the future glory is speaking about Heaven. So, where does that leave us? God is working all things out for our good. Yes. I believe that is true! Here is the problem...I think the idea we have of "good" in our life and God's idea of "good" are two different things.
My husband walked through a dark time in his life. It was heartbreaking to stand by and watch as God allowed him to not see the light. To cry and feel abandoned by his God. I became angry at God for a time. I remember taking a walk and yelling at the sky. Asking God why he took away my best friend...he was not really there. It was an empty shell of who he had been. It took a few years to get my husband and best friend fully back. I remember about a year and a half after it began, I heard him laugh. I knew that it was the start of true healing in his life. He began to heal, slowly. When he came out of this dark hour in his life, he was different. He would never again be the same. This, I believe is what that verse is talking about. God brought good from this. This darkness changed my husband to be more like his God. Pain took out what was in the way, so that God could better use him to reach others. Now, those who my husband can relate to are those who are broken by life - or those who are walking in the dark. God allowed this "not happy" time in our lives. This pain was made to work for good in the people's lives that my husband ministers to. God wanted more for his life. He also knew that my husband could not get there without his help - without the darkness.
Because of this experience, my husband wrote a book called, "Pouring Ketchup". This book has many short stories that show how God is walking with us in the small moments of our lives. He is in the dark moments. He is using these moments to create something amazing with our lives - to create lives that will ultimately change those who walk around us and point them to our Creator and Lord. This experience in our family, I believe, was "good" in God's eyes. It was bitterly painful to walk through, but God's definition of "good" is different than ours. He wants us to depend on him, to find who we really are as his creation. He wants us to look to Heaven as something exciting - something in our future that is so much better than we have here! His good is not our good, but it is always for our good.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Just Plain Ordinary
Ordinary.
I feel ordinary most of the time. Not too special, not too pretty, not too popular - just plain ole ordinary. Do you ever feel ordinary? Do you feel you live just an ordinary life? I think most of us feel this way some, or most of the time. Even if we feel we are all alone in our "ordinary" world - I really believe most people would agree that their life is "just ordinary".
It seems we are under the assumption that ordinary is not good enough. We look around and see all of the things we would love to do, yet, how could we - just an ordinary person - accomplish a dream like that? God doesn't use ordinary, normal people - does he? I mean, sometimes its hard to even dream about something amazing happening in my life. I'm just ordinary, so it doesn't seem like that dream would actually happen, you know? Why waste my time dreaming about God using my life when I am just ordinary me. I really don't have much to offer anyway. I should just pray for other people who already have all the gifts. That could be my thing. I could be the person who encourages other people to have a dream. My life is pretty ordinary. I'm not as smart or talented as some of those who can plan big events and reach a lot of people. Not really sure what God can do with an ordinary person living a normal, everyday life.
Have you felt that way before, that you are "just plain ordinary"? Did you ever wonder if God could use you in your normal, ordinary life? I have good news for you! God uses Ordinary!! The disciples of Jesus were called "ordinary". When people began to notice their preaching and teaching, this is what they said, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Acts 4:13
What was the factor in their lives that made someone take notice of their ordinary? The factor was Jesus. It says, "They took note that these men had been with Jesus." The time they spent with Jesus changed their ordinary lives into something that caused others to take notice. God uses Ordinary.
When we take time to be with Jesus, our ordinary will be noticed by those around us. The light of Christ shines through ordinary. God can use ordinary people to change the world! All you have to do is give Jesus the "wheel" (as Carrie Underwood would say). If you give your dreams to God, he will use your ordinary to change those around you and that is how the world is changed. One person at a time. Yes, you may be walking in ordinary, but when you walk with Christ, He can turn your ordinary into ORDINARY.
I feel ordinary most of the time. Not too special, not too pretty, not too popular - just plain ole ordinary. Do you ever feel ordinary? Do you feel you live just an ordinary life? I think most of us feel this way some, or most of the time. Even if we feel we are all alone in our "ordinary" world - I really believe most people would agree that their life is "just ordinary".
It seems we are under the assumption that ordinary is not good enough. We look around and see all of the things we would love to do, yet, how could we - just an ordinary person - accomplish a dream like that? God doesn't use ordinary, normal people - does he? I mean, sometimes its hard to even dream about something amazing happening in my life. I'm just ordinary, so it doesn't seem like that dream would actually happen, you know? Why waste my time dreaming about God using my life when I am just ordinary me. I really don't have much to offer anyway. I should just pray for other people who already have all the gifts. That could be my thing. I could be the person who encourages other people to have a dream. My life is pretty ordinary. I'm not as smart or talented as some of those who can plan big events and reach a lot of people. Not really sure what God can do with an ordinary person living a normal, everyday life.
Have you felt that way before, that you are "just plain ordinary"? Did you ever wonder if God could use you in your normal, ordinary life? I have good news for you! God uses Ordinary!! The disciples of Jesus were called "ordinary". When people began to notice their preaching and teaching, this is what they said, "When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus." Acts 4:13
What was the factor in their lives that made someone take notice of their ordinary? The factor was Jesus. It says, "They took note that these men had been with Jesus." The time they spent with Jesus changed their ordinary lives into something that caused others to take notice. God uses Ordinary.
When we take time to be with Jesus, our ordinary will be noticed by those around us. The light of Christ shines through ordinary. God can use ordinary people to change the world! All you have to do is give Jesus the "wheel" (as Carrie Underwood would say). If you give your dreams to God, he will use your ordinary to change those around you and that is how the world is changed. One person at a time. Yes, you may be walking in ordinary, but when you walk with Christ, He can turn your ordinary into ORDINARY.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...
Mirror, Mirror on the wall...
When you look into the mirror, do you see the fairest of them all? It seems that many of us never quite see the "most beautiful" looking back from the mirror. We see many things, but most of them are not what we would see in a fairytale.
Why is it difficult to see the fairest of them all in ourselves? We can look around us and point out all the great qualities of those around us, but when we look in the mirror, we see something different.
I think sometimes our past reflects from the mirror. We see mistakes, regret, guilt, shame and bitterness staring back at us. We try to see what God sees - someone created in his own image - but when we look at the refection, we see words...we see the past.
These words can control your life. Guilt, regret, shame, bitterness. So many words. How do we get past these words to see the true refection? The refection of who God made us to be?
My friend had a refection of shame for many years. She had an abortion as a teen that she had hidden in her past. When she looked into the mirror, that shame and guilt reflected back so all she saw were the words staring back at her - not her true self. Not who God created her to be.
She was able to get past this refection of shame and guilt - she chose to forgive herself.
When we chose to take the very difficult step, to look ourselves in the mirror and say, "I forgive you..." that is the moment that God can begin to change our reflection. As we continue to look into the mirror, forgive ourselves and choose to see ourselves as the person that God created, we will begin to see! We will see our true refection. We will see who God created us to be.
It is not easy, but it is totally worth it! Take a deep breath, look into the mirror and dare to see something new! A reflection of forgiveness and peace - a refection of YOU!
When you look into the mirror, do you see the fairest of them all? It seems that many of us never quite see the "most beautiful" looking back from the mirror. We see many things, but most of them are not what we would see in a fairytale.
Why is it difficult to see the fairest of them all in ourselves? We can look around us and point out all the great qualities of those around us, but when we look in the mirror, we see something different.
I think sometimes our past reflects from the mirror. We see mistakes, regret, guilt, shame and bitterness staring back at us. We try to see what God sees - someone created in his own image - but when we look at the refection, we see words...we see the past.
These words can control your life. Guilt, regret, shame, bitterness. So many words. How do we get past these words to see the true refection? The refection of who God made us to be?
My friend had a refection of shame for many years. She had an abortion as a teen that she had hidden in her past. When she looked into the mirror, that shame and guilt reflected back so all she saw were the words staring back at her - not her true self. Not who God created her to be.
She was able to get past this refection of shame and guilt - she chose to forgive herself.
When we chose to take the very difficult step, to look ourselves in the mirror and say, "I forgive you..." that is the moment that God can begin to change our reflection. As we continue to look into the mirror, forgive ourselves and choose to see ourselves as the person that God created, we will begin to see! We will see our true refection. We will see who God created us to be.
It is not easy, but it is totally worth it! Take a deep breath, look into the mirror and dare to see something new! A reflection of forgiveness and peace - a refection of YOU!
Sunday, July 7, 2013
Scars
There are many things we try to hide in our lives. It seems the past can catch up to us when we least expect it. We try to move ahead, only to have our past staring at us again. We forgive ourselves, finally, only to look down at the scars on our arms. Some have scars that show or can be covered up. Others have scars hidden inside from things that are never spoken of.
When we walk around hiding scars, hoping no one will find them, we can be controlled by the past. We see the red marks and think about the past. We relive the feelings and try to push them back down in a place that has been bricked up and covered by years of pain. Anything can cause these scars to resurface. We may see someone who reminds us of the past, we may hear or smell something that brings up this hurt. When this happens, the feelings come along...guilt, shame, anger, pain. No matter how hard we try, these feelings continue to plague us in our daily lives.
In the Bible, it says, "by his stripes, we are healed..." Isaiah 53:5. Jesus died on the cross so that we can ask him to heal our scars. His scars are what heal us...his pain is what can make us whole. What is amazing is, while Jesus' scars heal us, our scars can help to heal others.
God wants to use our scars, our past, to bring healing to others. He can use the pain and mistakes that you have hidden inside. He wants you to share this past with those who need to hear it. Your scars can be the healing that someone else is looking for. If we continue to hide our scars, we will continue to confront the feelings of shame, guilt and anger. When we step out, cry, and share our story with another broken person - that is when we have freedom!
Our freedom comes from showing our scars. Someone else's freedom depends on it! Those who walk by us living in pain will only trust someone who they know walked through what they are facing. How can they trust someone who has not felt the pain they have felt? How can they share their scars with someone who has none?
It is not easy. It hurts. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of guts, but when you take the step and allow God to use you to show someone else your scars, that is when you will have freedom from your own scars. That is when the scars of Christ shine through your own and bring light into the darkness of their pain.
When we walk around hiding scars, hoping no one will find them, we can be controlled by the past. We see the red marks and think about the past. We relive the feelings and try to push them back down in a place that has been bricked up and covered by years of pain. Anything can cause these scars to resurface. We may see someone who reminds us of the past, we may hear or smell something that brings up this hurt. When this happens, the feelings come along...guilt, shame, anger, pain. No matter how hard we try, these feelings continue to plague us in our daily lives.
In the Bible, it says, "by his stripes, we are healed..." Isaiah 53:5. Jesus died on the cross so that we can ask him to heal our scars. His scars are what heal us...his pain is what can make us whole. What is amazing is, while Jesus' scars heal us, our scars can help to heal others.
God wants to use our scars, our past, to bring healing to others. He can use the pain and mistakes that you have hidden inside. He wants you to share this past with those who need to hear it. Your scars can be the healing that someone else is looking for. If we continue to hide our scars, we will continue to confront the feelings of shame, guilt and anger. When we step out, cry, and share our story with another broken person - that is when we have freedom!
Our freedom comes from showing our scars. Someone else's freedom depends on it! Those who walk by us living in pain will only trust someone who they know walked through what they are facing. How can they trust someone who has not felt the pain they have felt? How can they share their scars with someone who has none?
It is not easy. It hurts. It takes a lot of prayer and a lot of guts, but when you take the step and allow God to use you to show someone else your scars, that is when you will have freedom from your own scars. That is when the scars of Christ shine through your own and bring light into the darkness of their pain.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
I don't like to camp
Camp. It is not my favorite pastime, any of my friends can agree to that statement. I tend to enjoy shopping in air conditioned malls or sipping coffee with my laptop. Camp does not come with these modern day conveniences. I don't really enjoy taking a trek to the bathrooms to begin my day. Now, it seems strange that someone who doesn't love to camp always goes camping one week out of a very short summer in Michigan. I have done this for as long as I can remember! I have attended camp as a kid, teen and now, an adult with my own teens!
I always blame my kids for attending camp. I tell everyone that the reason we still come to sweat out a week in the hot July sun is because our kids love it so much, but my friend saw through my facade. She said, "you know you love it too". Yes, she is right. I do love it (don't let this get out to others at camp, since they all still believe that I really don't enjoy it and I am doing all of this for my kids. I need to keep my "Mom of the Year" status somehow!). Although, I am not quite sure why I love it, I do know I enjoy being there - on the campground. Just sitting by our little cabin, I feel a comfort...a reassurance that no matter what happens in my life, or how many changes take place, that God is always with me through every step - every change - every year of my life.
Camp has brought with it a lot of changes in my life. When I was a kid, it was learning new songs, laughing with friends, learning that boys had "cooties" and seeing that it is pretty cool to love God. When I was a teen, I learned that God had a plan for my life, that he was more important to my life than trying to impress the "cool kids" and I also learned that boys really didn't have cooties!
After I was married, camp included fun things such as potty training a two year old with porta potties! Not something I would recommend, but my two year old thought that those green boxes were the coolest place to learn this task and wanted to stop every time we passed by! Unfortunately, our little trailer we had borrowed that year was just down the lane from the porta potty and it was on the way to EVERYTHING in camp, and on the way back to our trailer!
My husband was pastoring a small church up north when our two girls were little. We didn't have much cash, so the camp offered us a deal - watch the toddlers during the morning service for two hours and we can have free camping for the week! We thought that was a great deal, until we found out that the "toddler room" was in the back of the cafeteria. We had to block the kids in a corner with about thirty folding chairs and try to keep 15 three year olds busy for two hours! Let me tell you, it was not a good deal.
As our girls grew, we were able to watch them run around on the campgrounds with their friends, coming back to our camping area only for food or sleep.
I would much rather sleep at a Holiday Inn Express than in a little cabin that is actually a shed with electricity and bunk beds. I would rather have air conditioning than sweating, or a kitchen rather than a table with a fridge and toaster on top. Why do we continue to go back each year to spend quality time with Michigan mosquitoes?
It seems to be the time that God chooses to speak to my husband and I about important decisions in our life. This maybe because we actually get away from our technology, television and busy life for a week. We are quiet and able to listen to God a little easier while away from our crazy life! We go away for a week to focus on life, family and listening to God in sermons, songs and a quiet spot by the lake.
One year, God spoke to me during the songs at the chapel service. I felt like God was telling me that we were moving. We had been at our small church for six years and loved the people there very much. I felt God was telling me that this part of our life was ending. I was very sad but excited for this adventure all at the same time. As I sat down, I noticed the tshirt on the man sitting in front of me. It said, "Embrace new beginnings". My husband was in a back room and was not in the service. He was praying for the speaker and that God would speak to those sitting in the service. After the time for chapel was over, I was outside waiting for my husband. As he walked up, I said, "We are done here, aren't we?". He just smiled and said, "yes". God had talked to him about the same thing, at the same time, in a different room! We had no idea what was next for us, but we knew we had to take the next step. My husband told me later that after we had our short talk, he walked into the bathroom and a man he didn't really know walked up to him. He said, "Do you know that Abraham left everything he had to go to a place God wanted him to go? And he didn't even know where God wanted him to go yet!". These are the experiences we have at camp.
We had things like this happen so often in our camp life, that my husband and I were terrified one year to go to camp. We did not want to move or do any other difficult things we thought God might ask us to do! We still went, and God still spoke, but we did not have to move again.
Sometimes, God has shown me during a week at camp that I just need to be still. I need to seek a quiet place, slow down my life for a few hours and focus on God and his love for me. To get away from my busy, crazy life and stop. Look up to God and take a breath. This is what we need sometimes. To take a break from life and have some time of quietness where we can really see that God created us and he loves us.
So, in a few weeks, we will once again pack up and head to camp. I will spray myself with mosquito spray and make dinner with a toaster. I will get dirty and have to take a hike to the bathrooms. I will also sit by the lake with a book, take time to talk with God, and wait for what I fear with excitement - his voice telling me what could be next in my life. I will be still. I will seek God and I will find peace. At Camp.
I always blame my kids for attending camp. I tell everyone that the reason we still come to sweat out a week in the hot July sun is because our kids love it so much, but my friend saw through my facade. She said, "you know you love it too". Yes, she is right. I do love it (don't let this get out to others at camp, since they all still believe that I really don't enjoy it and I am doing all of this for my kids. I need to keep my "Mom of the Year" status somehow!). Although, I am not quite sure why I love it, I do know I enjoy being there - on the campground. Just sitting by our little cabin, I feel a comfort...a reassurance that no matter what happens in my life, or how many changes take place, that God is always with me through every step - every change - every year of my life.
Camp has brought with it a lot of changes in my life. When I was a kid, it was learning new songs, laughing with friends, learning that boys had "cooties" and seeing that it is pretty cool to love God. When I was a teen, I learned that God had a plan for my life, that he was more important to my life than trying to impress the "cool kids" and I also learned that boys really didn't have cooties!
After I was married, camp included fun things such as potty training a two year old with porta potties! Not something I would recommend, but my two year old thought that those green boxes were the coolest place to learn this task and wanted to stop every time we passed by! Unfortunately, our little trailer we had borrowed that year was just down the lane from the porta potty and it was on the way to EVERYTHING in camp, and on the way back to our trailer!
My husband was pastoring a small church up north when our two girls were little. We didn't have much cash, so the camp offered us a deal - watch the toddlers during the morning service for two hours and we can have free camping for the week! We thought that was a great deal, until we found out that the "toddler room" was in the back of the cafeteria. We had to block the kids in a corner with about thirty folding chairs and try to keep 15 three year olds busy for two hours! Let me tell you, it was not a good deal.
As our girls grew, we were able to watch them run around on the campgrounds with their friends, coming back to our camping area only for food or sleep.
I would much rather sleep at a Holiday Inn Express than in a little cabin that is actually a shed with electricity and bunk beds. I would rather have air conditioning than sweating, or a kitchen rather than a table with a fridge and toaster on top. Why do we continue to go back each year to spend quality time with Michigan mosquitoes?
It seems to be the time that God chooses to speak to my husband and I about important decisions in our life. This maybe because we actually get away from our technology, television and busy life for a week. We are quiet and able to listen to God a little easier while away from our crazy life! We go away for a week to focus on life, family and listening to God in sermons, songs and a quiet spot by the lake.
One year, God spoke to me during the songs at the chapel service. I felt like God was telling me that we were moving. We had been at our small church for six years and loved the people there very much. I felt God was telling me that this part of our life was ending. I was very sad but excited for this adventure all at the same time. As I sat down, I noticed the tshirt on the man sitting in front of me. It said, "Embrace new beginnings". My husband was in a back room and was not in the service. He was praying for the speaker and that God would speak to those sitting in the service. After the time for chapel was over, I was outside waiting for my husband. As he walked up, I said, "We are done here, aren't we?". He just smiled and said, "yes". God had talked to him about the same thing, at the same time, in a different room! We had no idea what was next for us, but we knew we had to take the next step. My husband told me later that after we had our short talk, he walked into the bathroom and a man he didn't really know walked up to him. He said, "Do you know that Abraham left everything he had to go to a place God wanted him to go? And he didn't even know where God wanted him to go yet!". These are the experiences we have at camp.
We had things like this happen so often in our camp life, that my husband and I were terrified one year to go to camp. We did not want to move or do any other difficult things we thought God might ask us to do! We still went, and God still spoke, but we did not have to move again.
Sometimes, God has shown me during a week at camp that I just need to be still. I need to seek a quiet place, slow down my life for a few hours and focus on God and his love for me. To get away from my busy, crazy life and stop. Look up to God and take a breath. This is what we need sometimes. To take a break from life and have some time of quietness where we can really see that God created us and he loves us.
So, in a few weeks, we will once again pack up and head to camp. I will spray myself with mosquito spray and make dinner with a toaster. I will get dirty and have to take a hike to the bathrooms. I will also sit by the lake with a book, take time to talk with God, and wait for what I fear with excitement - his voice telling me what could be next in my life. I will be still. I will seek God and I will find peace. At Camp.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
My comfy couch
Overload. That is how I feel right now. I work in a Special Needs classroom. The kids need attention all day long. They don't know what personal space is and my ear was physically hurting when I left work today because of the nonstop chatter that seems to come with the attention- seeking.
I decided to come to a little coffee place after work to "download". Well, that obviously was not a great idea today - with the senior citizen sitting two feet away with his laptop - he feels pretty young at heart as his 80's music blares from his little laptop. Of course, me - wanting the comfy seat in the place, decided to sit in the only area with cushioned chairs. This happens to be directly under the nonstop News Network that seems to be loud enough for people a few feet away to be able to keep up on the events of the world.
So much for my quiet download time.
As I walked up to ask the nice teenager who is running the coffee shop to please mute the tv...I realized that the music is actually coming from the ceiling above the tv! It really isn't the hip gentleman I had already accused of blaring his music. It is just me - stubborn little me, who does not want to move from my soft and comfy couch. It is my own fault that I am being barraged by bad music and news releases.
Do you think we do that in other areas too? I think I do this all too often. I blame others for my mistakes. I point fingers and complain about my life - but, in reality, I really don't want to change. I don't want to move. I would rather blame others for my headaches than blame myself. I am too comfortable with were I am to actually DO something about it. Why would I want to change my life when I can sit on my squishy couch and complain to everyone around me about all of my situations and woes in life? I can blame those around for causing loud noise and unwanted circumstances. I would never actually take time to look at my situation and get up to move - to reach out to God and ask for help.
Why does this seem like such a difficult thing at times? Why would we rather complain about our life we are stuck with than to ask God if there is something different he has in plan for us? I think we would rather be comfortable than challenged. We would rather be familiar with our suffering than to be pushed out into a new world to begin a new life. We could pray for God to place a dream into us, a new challenge. But why would we take time to pray for God to put a dream in our life - something amazing we could do for him - if we really don't want to get off the comfy couch?
I have prayed and followed God in the past. I have walked down the path of new and exciting events. I loved the joy I felt as I followed God's plan. Now I see a new plan being unfolded before me. Something I have been praying and asking God for. Now, I am clinging to my couch. I am afraid to stand up and take the first step - how will I ever get back to my comfy life if I follow God's lead? I know in my heart that if I choose to follow God, that I will have a peace and joy inside even through the difficult times. It is just getting up - leaving my couch, my safety, my life as I know it - no matter how unhappy I can feel as I sit on the cushions - to walk into a new life that I can't see yet. It is scary to follow God into the unknown. It is hard to see what is next when it has not been revealed yet. This is what faith really is.
In one of my Bibles, there is a definition of faith that I love and have kept with me for many years. It says this: Faith means abandoning all trust in our own resources, abilities and reasoning - the things we see. It means relying instead on the things we can not see - God's promises, provisions and His concern for us. An inner attitude alone does not define faith, though for faith to be present, action is required. Faith proves itself by its obedience to the Lord.
Faith is getting up off the couch...
I decided to come to a little coffee place after work to "download". Well, that obviously was not a great idea today - with the senior citizen sitting two feet away with his laptop - he feels pretty young at heart as his 80's music blares from his little laptop. Of course, me - wanting the comfy seat in the place, decided to sit in the only area with cushioned chairs. This happens to be directly under the nonstop News Network that seems to be loud enough for people a few feet away to be able to keep up on the events of the world.
So much for my quiet download time.
As I walked up to ask the nice teenager who is running the coffee shop to please mute the tv...I realized that the music is actually coming from the ceiling above the tv! It really isn't the hip gentleman I had already accused of blaring his music. It is just me - stubborn little me, who does not want to move from my soft and comfy couch. It is my own fault that I am being barraged by bad music and news releases.
Do you think we do that in other areas too? I think I do this all too often. I blame others for my mistakes. I point fingers and complain about my life - but, in reality, I really don't want to change. I don't want to move. I would rather blame others for my headaches than blame myself. I am too comfortable with were I am to actually DO something about it. Why would I want to change my life when I can sit on my squishy couch and complain to everyone around me about all of my situations and woes in life? I can blame those around for causing loud noise and unwanted circumstances. I would never actually take time to look at my situation and get up to move - to reach out to God and ask for help.
Why does this seem like such a difficult thing at times? Why would we rather complain about our life we are stuck with than to ask God if there is something different he has in plan for us? I think we would rather be comfortable than challenged. We would rather be familiar with our suffering than to be pushed out into a new world to begin a new life. We could pray for God to place a dream into us, a new challenge. But why would we take time to pray for God to put a dream in our life - something amazing we could do for him - if we really don't want to get off the comfy couch?
I have prayed and followed God in the past. I have walked down the path of new and exciting events. I loved the joy I felt as I followed God's plan. Now I see a new plan being unfolded before me. Something I have been praying and asking God for. Now, I am clinging to my couch. I am afraid to stand up and take the first step - how will I ever get back to my comfy life if I follow God's lead? I know in my heart that if I choose to follow God, that I will have a peace and joy inside even through the difficult times. It is just getting up - leaving my couch, my safety, my life as I know it - no matter how unhappy I can feel as I sit on the cushions - to walk into a new life that I can't see yet. It is scary to follow God into the unknown. It is hard to see what is next when it has not been revealed yet. This is what faith really is.
In one of my Bibles, there is a definition of faith that I love and have kept with me for many years. It says this: Faith means abandoning all trust in our own resources, abilities and reasoning - the things we see. It means relying instead on the things we can not see - God's promises, provisions and His concern for us. An inner attitude alone does not define faith, though for faith to be present, action is required. Faith proves itself by its obedience to the Lord.
Faith is getting up off the couch...
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Pajamas and Glitter
I was just remembering one New Years Eve's we had as a family. Our girls were about the ages of five and eight. We were sitting at home that evening, with no plans. We had already changed into our sweats and pajamas for the night. Just waiting to watch the giant ball of light descend in NYC.
Then, my husband had a great idea - lets take the girls out to a late dinner then we can come home and watch the ball drop before heading to bed. We decided we would just head out in our sweatshirts to find a place to eat. Looking for a new place we had never tried, we spotted an Italian restaurant. Why not try that for our special late night dinner in our unkept hair and sweats? We didn't really think much about our appearance, since - it WAS New Year's Eve. We were parents - who goes out on New Year's Eve? We were just happy to be out!
When we entered the restaurant, we were so hungry and excited about our new adventure, that we really did not take the time to look around. I guess we missed the strange expression on the waiter's face when we walked in with our girls in pajama pants and sweatshirts, my husband in his everyday Detroit Tigers ball cap, and me with the oversized hoodie. We never really paid much attention to his nervous shifting or funny smile. He seemed like a nice guy, but a little "weird" acting, if you know what I mean. Hey - we just wanted a good meal in a new joint.
It was after we were seated, ordered our meal and began to eat the complimentary bread that we began to notice we were different than the other customers that night. While our oldest began to use her fingers to pull the soft bread out of the middle of the hard roll and our youngest was blowing milk bubbles, we began to scan the rest of the "joint". What we noticed were a lot of sequin gowns and black bow ties. We noticed linen table cloths with very high heels peeking out from under them. We noticed everyone else in the restaurant was ready for a black tie New Years Eve event after their dinner - and I think they may have noticed us.
After this quick analysis of the area, we decided it was too late to high tail it to McDonald's. It's funny how we felt quite normal when first arriving to the restaurant. We were excited about our spur of the moment evening out and enjoyed ordering from a new menu. When we became aware of our surroundings, we felt a tad out of place. It was, in my husband's words, reminiscent of "The Beverly Hillbillies" for those of you who know what that is. Of course, the service was so slow that night because it was packed full of Hollywood wanna-be's that we ended up entertaining those around for about two hours with our milk bubbles and hand claps the girls learned at camp. The waiter was so sorry for the wait, or maybe he was sorry he couldn't get us out of there faster - he offered a free dessert. My husband, who, without thinking, added to the "Clampett" theme by ordering four orders of cheesecake. He figured the man offered free dessert - we had four people, so four desserts to go please! (for mom and dad to eat after the ball drops and kids go to bed!) From the expression on the waiter's face, I don't know if he had meant ONE dessert or four, but I don't think he cared at that point - the four pieces of cheesecake in their boxes were on our table in moments with our bill and a smile that said, "can you please take these kids out of here now?"
I'm not sure if the glittering sequins or milk bubbles won on the entertainment that night, but we sure had something to laugh about. We still think of this time when a "Clampett moment" hits our family. I must say, it does tend to happen to us quite often!
We may not quite fit in with glitter and high heels most of the time, but you know what? Even though we felt silly for not wearing the correct dress code, or felt "second class" that night, we enjoyed our dinner with our adorable girls. We laughed at the milk bubbles and we were amazed at the hand clap game they showed us. People may have given us funny looks that night, but to be honest, we were so busy enjoying our family and laughing with our girls, I don't remember anyone there that night - only sequins, heels and black bow ties. I do remember the pajama pants, milk bubbles and empty bread crust. These are the memories I want to have. Who cares what those around us think? Do we want to lose our days trying to be what others expect us to be?
We could have looked around that night, apologized for our attire and bubbles while packing up and heading to the nearest fast food joint. We could have allowed the expectations of those around us to dictate how we felt about ourselves and even our kids. We could have missed out on the fun of experiencing a night of "Clampett" life!
Please don't look around you and forget who you are. Don't fall into a trap of trying to be someone else to impress those you work for or hang out with. You will miss out on all the fun. You will miss the enjoyment of just being you! So, next time you find yourself surrounded by sequins, don't run to the dress shop - all you have to do is blow a few bubbles and take time to laugh. Make memories with those you love even if those memories don't quite fit into the glittering surroundings around you!
Then, my husband had a great idea - lets take the girls out to a late dinner then we can come home and watch the ball drop before heading to bed. We decided we would just head out in our sweatshirts to find a place to eat. Looking for a new place we had never tried, we spotted an Italian restaurant. Why not try that for our special late night dinner in our unkept hair and sweats? We didn't really think much about our appearance, since - it WAS New Year's Eve. We were parents - who goes out on New Year's Eve? We were just happy to be out!
When we entered the restaurant, we were so hungry and excited about our new adventure, that we really did not take the time to look around. I guess we missed the strange expression on the waiter's face when we walked in with our girls in pajama pants and sweatshirts, my husband in his everyday Detroit Tigers ball cap, and me with the oversized hoodie. We never really paid much attention to his nervous shifting or funny smile. He seemed like a nice guy, but a little "weird" acting, if you know what I mean. Hey - we just wanted a good meal in a new joint.
It was after we were seated, ordered our meal and began to eat the complimentary bread that we began to notice we were different than the other customers that night. While our oldest began to use her fingers to pull the soft bread out of the middle of the hard roll and our youngest was blowing milk bubbles, we began to scan the rest of the "joint". What we noticed were a lot of sequin gowns and black bow ties. We noticed linen table cloths with very high heels peeking out from under them. We noticed everyone else in the restaurant was ready for a black tie New Years Eve event after their dinner - and I think they may have noticed us.
After this quick analysis of the area, we decided it was too late to high tail it to McDonald's. It's funny how we felt quite normal when first arriving to the restaurant. We were excited about our spur of the moment evening out and enjoyed ordering from a new menu. When we became aware of our surroundings, we felt a tad out of place. It was, in my husband's words, reminiscent of "The Beverly Hillbillies" for those of you who know what that is. Of course, the service was so slow that night because it was packed full of Hollywood wanna-be's that we ended up entertaining those around for about two hours with our milk bubbles and hand claps the girls learned at camp. The waiter was so sorry for the wait, or maybe he was sorry he couldn't get us out of there faster - he offered a free dessert. My husband, who, without thinking, added to the "Clampett" theme by ordering four orders of cheesecake. He figured the man offered free dessert - we had four people, so four desserts to go please! (for mom and dad to eat after the ball drops and kids go to bed!) From the expression on the waiter's face, I don't know if he had meant ONE dessert or four, but I don't think he cared at that point - the four pieces of cheesecake in their boxes were on our table in moments with our bill and a smile that said, "can you please take these kids out of here now?"
I'm not sure if the glittering sequins or milk bubbles won on the entertainment that night, but we sure had something to laugh about. We still think of this time when a "Clampett moment" hits our family. I must say, it does tend to happen to us quite often!
We may not quite fit in with glitter and high heels most of the time, but you know what? Even though we felt silly for not wearing the correct dress code, or felt "second class" that night, we enjoyed our dinner with our adorable girls. We laughed at the milk bubbles and we were amazed at the hand clap game they showed us. People may have given us funny looks that night, but to be honest, we were so busy enjoying our family and laughing with our girls, I don't remember anyone there that night - only sequins, heels and black bow ties. I do remember the pajama pants, milk bubbles and empty bread crust. These are the memories I want to have. Who cares what those around us think? Do we want to lose our days trying to be what others expect us to be?
We could have looked around that night, apologized for our attire and bubbles while packing up and heading to the nearest fast food joint. We could have allowed the expectations of those around us to dictate how we felt about ourselves and even our kids. We could have missed out on the fun of experiencing a night of "Clampett" life!
Please don't look around you and forget who you are. Don't fall into a trap of trying to be someone else to impress those you work for or hang out with. You will miss out on all the fun. You will miss the enjoyment of just being you! So, next time you find yourself surrounded by sequins, don't run to the dress shop - all you have to do is blow a few bubbles and take time to laugh. Make memories with those you love even if those memories don't quite fit into the glittering surroundings around you!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
The Voice
Listen...do you hear it? It's a whisper. We tend to miss it during our busy, everyday lives. We hurry through life and forget to listen. We pray for God to speak to us, then say "amen" and go about our day without waiting for his answer.
I believe God speaks to each of us, if we are truly seeking him. Jeremiah 29:13 says, "you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart". If we seek God with all our heart - not just halfheartedly, then he is ready for us to find him. He will not push himself on us or stand in our way, but if we are really looking - seeking - he can be found right there, in the middle of our lives.
We are desperate to hear from God. We wonder why he doesn't show up to tell us our next steps or to stop us from making a blunder in life. Sometimes, it almost feels as if God is playing hide and seek with us, except, we can't find him! It feels as if we keep looking and we continue to find the same thing. Nothing. Silence. Do you think we could be looking for him in the wrong place? Do you think we could miss it? That God wants to speak to us, but we just do not know how to hear him?
I have a friend who was seeking God. She didn't even know she was seeking him. She was struggling and wanting peace to come into her chaotic heart. She came to my house and said, "I just want peace in my life". Of course, I felt as if I had the answer for her - God! That is when I felt as if God put his arm out and stopped me from speaking to her. He basically said in my spirit, "I got this". So, instead of giving her the answer to her peace problem, I prayed with her and sent her home questioning. Still having no peace.
I prayed for her that night. We worked in the same place, so the next morning, I pulled into the parking lot and began to walk toward the front doors. She came running out to meet me. She had never done that before. She was usually hiding in her office by the time I arrived at the last minute! That day, she almost knocked me over and said, "something happened last night". She stopped talking and looked around as if we had just been given a secret mission by a spy organization. She said, "man, your going to think I'm crazy." Then she just stood there unsure if she should confess something she had been excited about a moment ago, only to realize it sounded totally insane when she was about to speak it out loud. Once again, she looked around, spy-like as she said, "I heard the voice". She continued with her story. She went home the night before without peace in her life. She was lying in bed, once again, asking God for peace. Then, she heard God speak to her. He said, "you won't find peace until you ask Jesus into your heart."
The voice. We can hear many "voices" in our mind each day. One is our own self talking. I have even argued with myself some mornings about getting out of bed for work! It sounds, in my mind, something like this -
"You have to get out of bed!"
"No, I don't want to."
"you have to get to work"
"but I am so comfortable"....and so on it goes. I admit that I am not a morning person!
The other voice we may hear in our mind is that of people. People in our past, present or someone who has just passed through our lives. They could be encouraging words that came at just the right time in your life, or words of anger - hurtful words. We need to be able to sort out these words, these voices, and only choose to listen to the encouraging ones. If the voice was hurtful and spiteful, then we need to pray that God would help to take that voice out of our mind. One way I have found to drown out the voices replaying my faults, is to begin to sing a praise song to God. Once we begin to praise God and focus on the words of praise, these voices will have no room to hang around in our mind.
A voice that can feel as if it is true when it whispers lies is the voice of the devil. He tries to destroy lives and families with small little whispers that turn into loud roaring lies. It may begin with a voice from a person saying something about how we look. It could even be innocent; a laugh about a bad hair day we had. That will be taken by the voice of the devil and turned into a lie of how ugly we are or that no one wants us around because we are not worth it. So many lies. It can begin with a small whisper, but if we chose to believe it, it can ruin our lives. A whisper of a compliment by someone at work can turn into a divorce. A whisper of hate from a hurting, angry teen can turn into a teen suicide. A whisper of someone in the past, telling you that your not good enough, turns into a life where you never try what you love because you know you will fail. A whisper from a mirror or magazine turns into an eating disorder. You can see how it begins. So small. So "innocent". If we begin to believe the lie, then the lie begins to take over. This voice is dangerous. We need to think about what we are thinking in our minds. We need to ask God to show us if it is truth or a lie. Reading the bible can help determine if what we are hearing is from God or not. If it does not line up with the truth we read in the bible, then we can know it is not the truth from God.
God's voice is the voice we don't realize we can hear in our mind. God can speak to us, but when we have so many voices and we are choosing to listen to the wrong ones, his voice becomes quieter. The more we practice listening, the more his voice will begin to grow stronger. Pray for God to speak to you. Listen for his voice. When you hear something in your mind and you know it was not something you thought up yourself, listen. It could be God speaking. God's voice can change your life!
I believe God speaks to each of us, if we are truly seeking him. Jeremiah 29:13 says, "you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart". If we seek God with all our heart - not just halfheartedly, then he is ready for us to find him. He will not push himself on us or stand in our way, but if we are really looking - seeking - he can be found right there, in the middle of our lives.
We are desperate to hear from God. We wonder why he doesn't show up to tell us our next steps or to stop us from making a blunder in life. Sometimes, it almost feels as if God is playing hide and seek with us, except, we can't find him! It feels as if we keep looking and we continue to find the same thing. Nothing. Silence. Do you think we could be looking for him in the wrong place? Do you think we could miss it? That God wants to speak to us, but we just do not know how to hear him?
I have a friend who was seeking God. She didn't even know she was seeking him. She was struggling and wanting peace to come into her chaotic heart. She came to my house and said, "I just want peace in my life". Of course, I felt as if I had the answer for her - God! That is when I felt as if God put his arm out and stopped me from speaking to her. He basically said in my spirit, "I got this". So, instead of giving her the answer to her peace problem, I prayed with her and sent her home questioning. Still having no peace.
I prayed for her that night. We worked in the same place, so the next morning, I pulled into the parking lot and began to walk toward the front doors. She came running out to meet me. She had never done that before. She was usually hiding in her office by the time I arrived at the last minute! That day, she almost knocked me over and said, "something happened last night". She stopped talking and looked around as if we had just been given a secret mission by a spy organization. She said, "man, your going to think I'm crazy." Then she just stood there unsure if she should confess something she had been excited about a moment ago, only to realize it sounded totally insane when she was about to speak it out loud. Once again, she looked around, spy-like as she said, "I heard the voice". She continued with her story. She went home the night before without peace in her life. She was lying in bed, once again, asking God for peace. Then, she heard God speak to her. He said, "you won't find peace until you ask Jesus into your heart."
The voice. We can hear many "voices" in our mind each day. One is our own self talking. I have even argued with myself some mornings about getting out of bed for work! It sounds, in my mind, something like this -
"You have to get out of bed!"
"No, I don't want to."
"you have to get to work"
"but I am so comfortable"....and so on it goes. I admit that I am not a morning person!
The other voice we may hear in our mind is that of people. People in our past, present or someone who has just passed through our lives. They could be encouraging words that came at just the right time in your life, or words of anger - hurtful words. We need to be able to sort out these words, these voices, and only choose to listen to the encouraging ones. If the voice was hurtful and spiteful, then we need to pray that God would help to take that voice out of our mind. One way I have found to drown out the voices replaying my faults, is to begin to sing a praise song to God. Once we begin to praise God and focus on the words of praise, these voices will have no room to hang around in our mind.
A voice that can feel as if it is true when it whispers lies is the voice of the devil. He tries to destroy lives and families with small little whispers that turn into loud roaring lies. It may begin with a voice from a person saying something about how we look. It could even be innocent; a laugh about a bad hair day we had. That will be taken by the voice of the devil and turned into a lie of how ugly we are or that no one wants us around because we are not worth it. So many lies. It can begin with a small whisper, but if we chose to believe it, it can ruin our lives. A whisper of a compliment by someone at work can turn into a divorce. A whisper of hate from a hurting, angry teen can turn into a teen suicide. A whisper of someone in the past, telling you that your not good enough, turns into a life where you never try what you love because you know you will fail. A whisper from a mirror or magazine turns into an eating disorder. You can see how it begins. So small. So "innocent". If we begin to believe the lie, then the lie begins to take over. This voice is dangerous. We need to think about what we are thinking in our minds. We need to ask God to show us if it is truth or a lie. Reading the bible can help determine if what we are hearing is from God or not. If it does not line up with the truth we read in the bible, then we can know it is not the truth from God.
God's voice is the voice we don't realize we can hear in our mind. God can speak to us, but when we have so many voices and we are choosing to listen to the wrong ones, his voice becomes quieter. The more we practice listening, the more his voice will begin to grow stronger. Pray for God to speak to you. Listen for his voice. When you hear something in your mind and you know it was not something you thought up yourself, listen. It could be God speaking. God's voice can change your life!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Who am I?
Some of you may not know this about me, but my husband is a pastor. That means, I am a pastor's wife. This may not seem like a big disclosure to most of you, but it changes many things for me at times.
When I meet new people, and I happen to be accompanied by someone who attends our church, of course, I am introduced as "pastor's wife". This should be an honor and a wonderful thing for most people - a great position that I really am proud to have, but...
That is when things change. People change how they look at me. They may stop talking completely or decide it is time to pick up their kids from hockey or soccer - even if they don't have kids. If we had been chatting about fashion or other things and they let a swear word slip out, they immediately apologize - if it is after our introduction. I am looked at as an angel, perfect or even a great mom because of this title. I am not sure why, but I guess Pastors and their families should be a "cut above" others. Although, I am sad to admit - we are just normal people. We make mistakes, yell at our kids, and we have never floated on a cloud. We are just living life and trying to follow God the best we can.
When I first became a pastor's wife, I was quite young. I married at the age of 20 and my husband took a part time youth pastor position in a small church while attending college classes. This is when it began...
I was approached by a man in our church and he asked if I would think about teaching the first grade Sunday school class. He told me - no pressure, just get back to him after I thought about it. That afternoon, my husband found me sprawled out on our bed sobbing. What happened to his wife? he wondered - and he asked. So, I told him! I was completely undone and felt as if my life was over - someone had asked me to teach a children's Sunday school class!!!
As you can imagine, my poor husband had quite a blank expression on his face. He did not know what to say. Why did that bother me so much? He somehow surmised that I did not want to take this position for some unknown reason and asked me again why I was so upset. This is what I told him...
I can't be a pastor's wife! I don't even like kids all that much! I don't want to teach a kids class, but I have to - because I'm a pastor's wife! I will have to learn to do puppets and begin a puppet ministry, take piano classes and start with this Sunday school class. I don't want to, but I guess that is what I am supposed to do as a pastor's wife!
I believe my husband smiled. He was a wise man to hold his laughter inside while trying to picture me teaching a story with puppets to a crew of wild first graders. While being upset already, this did not make me want to hug him - I can tell you that! He smiled and tried to hug me and said, "then just tell him no". What?! NO?! Oh...hmmm. I did not think of that. I could actually tell him no? You mean, I don't have to become a piano playing, grey curly haired puppeteer? I thought everyone expected me to be the pastor's wife that I had met in my many years of church attendance. I thought they all had to love kids and teach Sunday school. I never thought about what I was really expected to do until that man approached me with the Sunday school position. I thought the world looked at me and wanted me to become the "perfect pastor's wife".
When we moved to Northern Michigan, I began attending a little retreat each year set up for pastor's wives. We would go to a hotel for a Friday night and Saturday get away. This is something I will never forget. Many women from many places of life came together to share their stories of being a pastor's wife. They told of the hard times and how wonderful it is to support a husband and church and people who become a part of your life. They told of miracles God had done for them, they told of things they loved to do and things they did for their church. I was pleasantly surprised that none of them had a puppet ministry! One wife was a jock, loved sports. She began a volleyball ministry with her church. One lead worship, while another taught kids. Some did not even do much at their churches because they had a full time job being a mom or working outside the home and decided that God had placed them in these places for their own ministry in life.
I still struggle with being a pastor's wife at times. It is not other people who place the expectations on me, it is me. I feel as if I don't do a good job, or I don't do enough. I place guilt on myself if I stop helping in the nursery. I look at other pastor wives and see all they do in their churches, and I compare myself to them - usually, it doesn't turn out as an uplifting comparison.
I think we all do this in our lives. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? Looking around at work and seeing others doing the job so much easier than you find it? Seeing other college students flying through the classes you have to study long hours to barely pass? Looking through a magazine, or looking at the TV before you look into a mirror? It seems we all compare ourselves with others in one way or another. I think it is a continual battle for some of us.
The good news is, God does not look at us this way. He does not compare us with anyone else. He does not look at a magazine and wonder why we put on a few pounds. He does not hate us if we are not a beautiful model. He loves us so much and we don't even see it, because we blind his love with the comparisons of people. The bible tells us that God chose David to become a King. He said,"I do not look at the things people look at. Man looks at how someone appears on the outside. But I look at what is in the heart." People look at the outward appearance. They have a hard time seeing past the beauty or disheveled person standing in front of them. They can't see past the limp or the ripped coat. They don't take time to see how God sees - God looks right past all of this. He looks past the failures we continue to play in our heads. He sees through our beauty into the self condemning we do and he can see our heart. He sees the brokenness, the hurt, the pain and the joy. He knows who we really are even if we don't know ourselves! That is amazing to me. Sometimes I put so many comparisons on myself, so many expectations, that I forget who I really am. I forget that God created me to be an individual, different than everyone else. He created me to show others his love - people that other pastor's wives may never meet.
Let's use the beginning of this new year to make a commitment. To decide to stop expecting things out of ourselves that we don't even need to be. To stop judging and condemning the actions we do as we compare them with someone else. Let us seek God. He can show us who we truly are. He can see into our hearts and show us who we are really created to be! This, I believe, is a place where we will find a lightness in life. A place of freedom...freedom to be.
When I meet new people, and I happen to be accompanied by someone who attends our church, of course, I am introduced as "pastor's wife". This should be an honor and a wonderful thing for most people - a great position that I really am proud to have, but...
That is when things change. People change how they look at me. They may stop talking completely or decide it is time to pick up their kids from hockey or soccer - even if they don't have kids. If we had been chatting about fashion or other things and they let a swear word slip out, they immediately apologize - if it is after our introduction. I am looked at as an angel, perfect or even a great mom because of this title. I am not sure why, but I guess Pastors and their families should be a "cut above" others. Although, I am sad to admit - we are just normal people. We make mistakes, yell at our kids, and we have never floated on a cloud. We are just living life and trying to follow God the best we can.
When I first became a pastor's wife, I was quite young. I married at the age of 20 and my husband took a part time youth pastor position in a small church while attending college classes. This is when it began...
I was approached by a man in our church and he asked if I would think about teaching the first grade Sunday school class. He told me - no pressure, just get back to him after I thought about it. That afternoon, my husband found me sprawled out on our bed sobbing. What happened to his wife? he wondered - and he asked. So, I told him! I was completely undone and felt as if my life was over - someone had asked me to teach a children's Sunday school class!!!
As you can imagine, my poor husband had quite a blank expression on his face. He did not know what to say. Why did that bother me so much? He somehow surmised that I did not want to take this position for some unknown reason and asked me again why I was so upset. This is what I told him...
I can't be a pastor's wife! I don't even like kids all that much! I don't want to teach a kids class, but I have to - because I'm a pastor's wife! I will have to learn to do puppets and begin a puppet ministry, take piano classes and start with this Sunday school class. I don't want to, but I guess that is what I am supposed to do as a pastor's wife!
I believe my husband smiled. He was a wise man to hold his laughter inside while trying to picture me teaching a story with puppets to a crew of wild first graders. While being upset already, this did not make me want to hug him - I can tell you that! He smiled and tried to hug me and said, "then just tell him no". What?! NO?! Oh...hmmm. I did not think of that. I could actually tell him no? You mean, I don't have to become a piano playing, grey curly haired puppeteer? I thought everyone expected me to be the pastor's wife that I had met in my many years of church attendance. I thought they all had to love kids and teach Sunday school. I never thought about what I was really expected to do until that man approached me with the Sunday school position. I thought the world looked at me and wanted me to become the "perfect pastor's wife".
When we moved to Northern Michigan, I began attending a little retreat each year set up for pastor's wives. We would go to a hotel for a Friday night and Saturday get away. This is something I will never forget. Many women from many places of life came together to share their stories of being a pastor's wife. They told of the hard times and how wonderful it is to support a husband and church and people who become a part of your life. They told of miracles God had done for them, they told of things they loved to do and things they did for their church. I was pleasantly surprised that none of them had a puppet ministry! One wife was a jock, loved sports. She began a volleyball ministry with her church. One lead worship, while another taught kids. Some did not even do much at their churches because they had a full time job being a mom or working outside the home and decided that God had placed them in these places for their own ministry in life.
I still struggle with being a pastor's wife at times. It is not other people who place the expectations on me, it is me. I feel as if I don't do a good job, or I don't do enough. I place guilt on myself if I stop helping in the nursery. I look at other pastor wives and see all they do in their churches, and I compare myself to them - usually, it doesn't turn out as an uplifting comparison.
I think we all do this in our lives. Do you find yourself comparing yourself to others? Looking around at work and seeing others doing the job so much easier than you find it? Seeing other college students flying through the classes you have to study long hours to barely pass? Looking through a magazine, or looking at the TV before you look into a mirror? It seems we all compare ourselves with others in one way or another. I think it is a continual battle for some of us.
The good news is, God does not look at us this way. He does not compare us with anyone else. He does not look at a magazine and wonder why we put on a few pounds. He does not hate us if we are not a beautiful model. He loves us so much and we don't even see it, because we blind his love with the comparisons of people. The bible tells us that God chose David to become a King. He said,"I do not look at the things people look at. Man looks at how someone appears on the outside. But I look at what is in the heart." People look at the outward appearance. They have a hard time seeing past the beauty or disheveled person standing in front of them. They can't see past the limp or the ripped coat. They don't take time to see how God sees - God looks right past all of this. He looks past the failures we continue to play in our heads. He sees through our beauty into the self condemning we do and he can see our heart. He sees the brokenness, the hurt, the pain and the joy. He knows who we really are even if we don't know ourselves! That is amazing to me. Sometimes I put so many comparisons on myself, so many expectations, that I forget who I really am. I forget that God created me to be an individual, different than everyone else. He created me to show others his love - people that other pastor's wives may never meet.
Let's use the beginning of this new year to make a commitment. To decide to stop expecting things out of ourselves that we don't even need to be. To stop judging and condemning the actions we do as we compare them with someone else. Let us seek God. He can show us who we truly are. He can see into our hearts and show us who we are really created to be! This, I believe, is a place where we will find a lightness in life. A place of freedom...freedom to be.
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Falling
A new journey - it sounds exciting and intriguing.
When I knew my job would be ending at the end of this school year, I was ready to begin a new chapter. Tired of feeling "stuck" in a routine, I sparkled with the idea of this new journey to come.
Change in life can be so exciting! To learn about yourself and see what God has prepared for you. I have been through this many times in my life, and I was ready for it this time! I trusted God to prepare what is next for me. No worries, just happiness and sparkles.
Now that this chapter in my life is swiftly closing, I am no longer sparkling...I am panicking.
It is so difficult to not be in control, or to see what is next - what is on the next page. I like to know what is happening in my life. My husband knows that I don't even enjoy taking a walk unless I have a destination, preferably an ice cream establishment! The destination is what I look to during my journey. A long road trip is out of the question unless it has sunshine and a beach waiting for me at the end.
My personal road trip is quickly turning a corner. The problem is that I can't see what is around that corner. Wouldn't life be easier if we could just see ahead a little? To be able to prepare for the next step? I think I mentioned this idea to God more than once, but it seems like he doesn't think my idea is all that great. I always pray for some kind of glass ball I can look into to see what is coming - it just seems like such a practical way to prepare, knowing what to prepare for.
It's funny though that God doesn't see this the same as I do. He doesn't want me to know what is next. Maybe he wants me to panic a little and feel as if I can't do this on my own. Why do we always think we need to do everything on our own? I have heard many people quote a verse that is not in the Bible. They say, "God won't give you more than you can handle". That is not true. The Bible says, "God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." - that is different. Temping is talking about sin. God will not allow us to be tempted to sin, to do something that would hurt our relationship with him, without giving us a way out. I believe that sometimes God does give us more than we can handle. If we could handle everything in life on our own, then why would we even need God? We would be able to just skip through life and enjoy the sunshine and ice cream!
For my life, I think God continues to put road blocks and turns into my journey so that I will learn to truly trust him. I have put my trust in God so many times in my life. So many things that God has asked us as a family to do, I have always had to come back to trusting God. If I can't control my future, then I must trust that God is in control! Each time I place my trust in him, I can see him work in my life and I look back thinking, why didn't I just trust God in the beginning? Yet, as I face another chapter in my life that I have not written myself, I find trust such a difficult thing to do.
Trust is not just something you easily give. No matter how many times your friend catches you when you play that "trust me and fall backwards" game, you still wonder if they will catch you on the next fall. That is what it feels like to put my trust of the future, my next step, to God. I know he is there. I know he has caught me when I fell all the other times in my life. I know he has a plan for me. I know, I know, I know...but I still have to let go. My need for control, or a destination, needs to be traded for a blind faith that can picture his hands outstretched behind me...waiting for me to fall into his arms. Waiting for me to stop trying to figure out my life and instead, giving my next steps to him.
Sometimes, even now, I fight this. I love God and know that I want to follow him and what his plans are for me. I know his plans will always turn out better than if I ignore him and do life on my own. It is still so difficult to hand over my life, once again. It seems as if he requires this over and over again. To trust, once again. To hand it all over, as Carrie Underwood sings, "Jesus, take the wheel". It seems that at every turn I grab ahold of the wheel again. I think I know how to steer my life, what is best for me. If I do choose to grab the wheel, to not fall into his arms, to do it my own way, where I feel safe and comfortable - that is when life loses something. God did not intend for us to plan our life and live it out any way we wish. Proverbs 16:9 says, "man plans his way, but the lord directs his steps". What happens if I don't allow him to direct my steps? What happens if I decide to drive for a while. What happens if I choose to not fall into his arms but to walk on my own where I can see instead?
If you can picture that "blind faith" game again...what happens if the person who is supposed to fall backward decides to walk straight ahead instead? They can see in front of them, so they take the safe way, the easy way and begin to walk where they can see. What happens is that they will get further and further away from where they were supposed to be. Further and further away from God, who is waiting to catch them. They no longer have to trust, or fear falling. They don't need to put their life into the hands of another - they have everything under control. What they don't realize is that they are getting further and further away from where they were supposed to be, from who they were meant to be.
It is not comfortable to fall back. It is not safe to close our eyes and wait for God to catch us, but if we choose not to, we will find ourselves in a safe, comfortable life without peace and without the real purpose God had intended for us to have. So, once again, I will choose to fall. To have no idea what is next, but to pray and pray that God knows. To ask that he will show me the next step. "God will direct their steps"...all we need to know is one step. If we choose to follow God on that step, then he will show us the next and the next until we end up where he planned for us to be all along. We will be in his will. We will be at peace. We may not feel safe or comfortable, but we will know that God is with us, that we are in his will and we have a purpose that we can only be given by the one who knows us best. That is when we can really sparkle - in the place we were created to be!
If you have walked away from trust, away from God, you can always turn around and run back into his arms. He is still standing there, with his arms outstretched waiting to catch you. If you find you have made some wrong turns by taking the wheel of your life, pray that one simple prayer, "Jesus, take the wheel". He will. It may not be comfortable, but I promise you that you will finally feel at peace and you will find the joy that only comes when we fall.
When I knew my job would be ending at the end of this school year, I was ready to begin a new chapter. Tired of feeling "stuck" in a routine, I sparkled with the idea of this new journey to come.
Change in life can be so exciting! To learn about yourself and see what God has prepared for you. I have been through this many times in my life, and I was ready for it this time! I trusted God to prepare what is next for me. No worries, just happiness and sparkles.
Now that this chapter in my life is swiftly closing, I am no longer sparkling...I am panicking.
It is so difficult to not be in control, or to see what is next - what is on the next page. I like to know what is happening in my life. My husband knows that I don't even enjoy taking a walk unless I have a destination, preferably an ice cream establishment! The destination is what I look to during my journey. A long road trip is out of the question unless it has sunshine and a beach waiting for me at the end.
My personal road trip is quickly turning a corner. The problem is that I can't see what is around that corner. Wouldn't life be easier if we could just see ahead a little? To be able to prepare for the next step? I think I mentioned this idea to God more than once, but it seems like he doesn't think my idea is all that great. I always pray for some kind of glass ball I can look into to see what is coming - it just seems like such a practical way to prepare, knowing what to prepare for.
It's funny though that God doesn't see this the same as I do. He doesn't want me to know what is next. Maybe he wants me to panic a little and feel as if I can't do this on my own. Why do we always think we need to do everything on our own? I have heard many people quote a verse that is not in the Bible. They say, "God won't give you more than you can handle". That is not true. The Bible says, "God will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." - that is different. Temping is talking about sin. God will not allow us to be tempted to sin, to do something that would hurt our relationship with him, without giving us a way out. I believe that sometimes God does give us more than we can handle. If we could handle everything in life on our own, then why would we even need God? We would be able to just skip through life and enjoy the sunshine and ice cream!
For my life, I think God continues to put road blocks and turns into my journey so that I will learn to truly trust him. I have put my trust in God so many times in my life. So many things that God has asked us as a family to do, I have always had to come back to trusting God. If I can't control my future, then I must trust that God is in control! Each time I place my trust in him, I can see him work in my life and I look back thinking, why didn't I just trust God in the beginning? Yet, as I face another chapter in my life that I have not written myself, I find trust such a difficult thing to do.
Trust is not just something you easily give. No matter how many times your friend catches you when you play that "trust me and fall backwards" game, you still wonder if they will catch you on the next fall. That is what it feels like to put my trust of the future, my next step, to God. I know he is there. I know he has caught me when I fell all the other times in my life. I know he has a plan for me. I know, I know, I know...but I still have to let go. My need for control, or a destination, needs to be traded for a blind faith that can picture his hands outstretched behind me...waiting for me to fall into his arms. Waiting for me to stop trying to figure out my life and instead, giving my next steps to him.
Sometimes, even now, I fight this. I love God and know that I want to follow him and what his plans are for me. I know his plans will always turn out better than if I ignore him and do life on my own. It is still so difficult to hand over my life, once again. It seems as if he requires this over and over again. To trust, once again. To hand it all over, as Carrie Underwood sings, "Jesus, take the wheel". It seems that at every turn I grab ahold of the wheel again. I think I know how to steer my life, what is best for me. If I do choose to grab the wheel, to not fall into his arms, to do it my own way, where I feel safe and comfortable - that is when life loses something. God did not intend for us to plan our life and live it out any way we wish. Proverbs 16:9 says, "man plans his way, but the lord directs his steps". What happens if I don't allow him to direct my steps? What happens if I decide to drive for a while. What happens if I choose to not fall into his arms but to walk on my own where I can see instead?
If you can picture that "blind faith" game again...what happens if the person who is supposed to fall backward decides to walk straight ahead instead? They can see in front of them, so they take the safe way, the easy way and begin to walk where they can see. What happens is that they will get further and further away from where they were supposed to be. Further and further away from God, who is waiting to catch them. They no longer have to trust, or fear falling. They don't need to put their life into the hands of another - they have everything under control. What they don't realize is that they are getting further and further away from where they were supposed to be, from who they were meant to be.
It is not comfortable to fall back. It is not safe to close our eyes and wait for God to catch us, but if we choose not to, we will find ourselves in a safe, comfortable life without peace and without the real purpose God had intended for us to have. So, once again, I will choose to fall. To have no idea what is next, but to pray and pray that God knows. To ask that he will show me the next step. "God will direct their steps"...all we need to know is one step. If we choose to follow God on that step, then he will show us the next and the next until we end up where he planned for us to be all along. We will be in his will. We will be at peace. We may not feel safe or comfortable, but we will know that God is with us, that we are in his will and we have a purpose that we can only be given by the one who knows us best. That is when we can really sparkle - in the place we were created to be!
If you have walked away from trust, away from God, you can always turn around and run back into his arms. He is still standing there, with his arms outstretched waiting to catch you. If you find you have made some wrong turns by taking the wheel of your life, pray that one simple prayer, "Jesus, take the wheel". He will. It may not be comfortable, but I promise you that you will finally feel at peace and you will find the joy that only comes when we fall.
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