Joy of a New Year

As I sit thinking about a new year approaching, I am joyful of all that God has done in my life this past year, 2012.

At this moment last year, I was just leaving Thailand to return home. I had planned to return with big plans for my future. I wanted to be a part of something but I did not know what it looked like - I was hoping a trip across the world would help to clarify my future.

When I returned from Thailand, I realized that God had taken me on this trip to show me his love and joy that comes when he redeems a life. I saw how God's love can change lives. Women who were formerly prostitutes, met Christ and were forever changed - I was privileged to meet these women and see the joy in their eyes. This is where my year of 2012 began - on a plane back to America, the land of the free - after seeing what freedom really looked like for the first time, in Thailand.

My life was changed. I wanted to continue to speak, but not out of anger or injustice, but from  a place of hope and love. I no longer wanted to sell jewelry while speaking about the darkness these girls came from - but rather, to tell of the light that has changed them! 

I had many amazing opportunities this year to sell products from Thailand and to speak to many groups of women. God redeemed a friendship in my life and I was able to feel the joy of redemption that I had seen in the women of the Thailand ministry. God opened my eyes to all of the wonderful relationships he has placed in my life. He showed me how to enjoy my friends and my family. I took time to sit with my girls, go out with my husband, laugh with my parents and spend time with many different friends that God has brought into my life throughout the years. I can see now that my big ideas for my future is actually just enjoying the life I am living now - to have joy in the now. I learned to take new steps toward a future that God has planned for me but seeing that when I finally arrive to where I want to be, I probably won't know - because it will just be the next step I take in this journey of life!

I am so excited to see what God has for this year. I feel as if I have found a place. God has shown me a small part of his plan for my life. I pray for opportunities to not only speak out for the women I sell products for in Thailand, but also to speak to women around Michigan about the hope that our God has for their lives here, in the land of the free! It's amazing that God has a plan for each one of us - no matter where we live. He has a plan for the year of 2013. Even if tragedy or darkness has taken residence in your life, God still has a plan. We have a God who is the God of hope - this is why I have chosen this verse for my blog - Romans 15:13 - "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy spirit." 

May this be the year that we "overflow" with hope!

~ I pray you have a Joyful New Year in 2013 ~

Lean not...

Lean not on your own understanding...

This verse in the bible seems so simple sometimes. Sure, I can depend on God. I have everything in order and I can see that my life is good. This is just a verse I learned in Sunday School so many years ago.

But, when life falls apart, when the storm hits, we try to understand. We look around to see what is happening. We try to figure it out. What did I do? What could I have done? Why would God allow this to happen in my life? Now, the verse is not just a verse any longer - it is life.

It says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart". Trust is a word that brings on different meanings and feelings depending on where you stand. If you stand on a high dive with a pool of water below and God asks you to jump - trust is possibly fearful, but fairly easy. It is when you are standing on the high dive looking into an empty pool - when you don't see anything in front of you to break your fall - and God asks you to jump. Now, the word trust, has new meaning. It means you are placing it all into His hands and trusting that He will catch you. This trust is everything.

It is interesting that God didn't just say, "trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding". That would have been enough, right? We need to trust. When the storm is breaking and flooding into our lives, we must trust him to get us through - but this is not all he asks of us. He says to "trust in the Lord with all your heart...." This is not a simple trust. This requires all. All your heart. At times, when our hearts are breaking, this trust feels like God is asking too much of us. How can we give him all of our heart when we don't even feel as though we have a whole heart to give him? Do we give him a broken heart? Does that even count as "all my heart"? How do we trust God when we don't trust ourselves? This verse is asking for all of it. All your heart. No looking back, no time to fill up the pool - just jumping into his arms and trusting that he is there. Trusting that he will catch you.

The verse asks even more of us when we continue to read - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. It asks us to give up how we see things...our own thoughts, feelings, pain and hurt - and hand it to God. To trust him...with all of it. It is not easy to trust a God we cannot see or understand. God does not want us to trust our own understandings because we are not able to truly see. We only see what we, as humans, can see. We can not see past our own understanding of life. God knows that we effect more people and things around us than we see. This is why we need to trust - with all our heart. He sees what we cannot. He knows that eternity is so much more than we can see - than we can understand. That this life is so much more than we can see or understand.

Trust in the Lord. Don't lean on your understandings or what you see, lean on him...he is trustworthy. He is faithful. He will catch you. He will hold you. He will lift you up, so one day, you will be able to see.

Journey of Joy

For two years I had been speaking out on the evils of Human Trafficking. I had been telling groups about the women who are sent to work in bars as prostitutes by their families to earn enough money to send their little brothers to school. I began reading, learning and seeking out more information on what was happening in the world with this subject of sexual exploitation.

As I delved further into this world, I began to grab my invisible picket signs. I wanted to boycott the world and it's evil. I was ready to take on these horrible injustices and be a part of changing the injustices that were happening.

I was so excited when we began planning for a trip to Thailand so that I could see firsthand what I had been speaking about. I had been selling jewelry for different ministries that help women who have been sexually exploited. These ministries help them begin a new life, a new job and introduce them to their Savior, Jesus Christ. I wanted the chance to meet these women who had been able to get out of these dark and evil situations and deserved a chance at a better life.

When my family and I arrived in Thailand, we had the honor of sharing Christmas with the men and women from The Well ministry. They had a most upbeat celebration planned for the day. We arrived at 9am and of course, the weather was very hot for us Michiganders at Christmas! It was close to 90 degrees all day. We took off our shoes at the door, entered the room decorated with streamers, balloons, a table of wrapped gifts overflowing all over the floor and a "Christmas tree" that made me smile. The tree was actually a magazine rack, that was about four feet tall and spins around - wrapped in all different colors of tinsel until it was covered and in the shape of a pine tree!

Children and toddlers were running around laughing and playing. Mom's were chatting excitedly about the day's events. I turned around to see my daughter with a huge grin on her face, holding a little 8 month old baby with a giant bow stuck on her head. My daughter said, "I have no idea who's baby this is!". They had welcomed us into this celebration with open arms. The women from The Well accepted my family as part of theirs for the day and we felt so happy to be a part of this cheerful celebration! The day was filled with smells of Thai food being cooked outside for lunch, a funny talent show and a time of worship.

God changed my heart that day when I heard one particular song. A beautiful young Thai woman who had previously worked in the bars, but was now working to create jewelry at The Well, stepped up to take the microphone. She did not introduce the song, but silently waited for the music to begin. The young woman sang a worship song in Thai. I only knew it was a worship song by the joy and thankfulness in which she sang directly to her Lord and Savior who had given her a new life. As she sang, I sat on the cool tile floor in the back of the room, covered by the presence of God with tears streaming down my face. She had it. She had something inside of her that I had lost on my journey of justice. She had JOY. 

When I arrived home, I had to reevaluate what I was doing and why. Had God asked me to go save the world? Did he hand me a picket sign and tell me to shout angrily at the evil people who were stealing and destroying people's lives? Was he the one who sent me on this journey of justice? No. He had asked me to tell their story. To show the hope they have in Him and sell their jewelry in order to provide hope to more women out there who were still living in the darkness. He asked me to tell their story of hope and joy. I had been caught up in telling the story of evil and darkness.

Sometimes, when we look around this world we only see evil and darkness. Sometimes, we forget that God is in the dark places that we can not go. God has taught me that if I continue to focus on the evil, that I will lose my Joy. I will lose my Hope. But, if I choose to focus on Him - to praise him with all my heart, like that amazing young woman did at the Christmas party, that he will provide my joy, my hope and he will use me to change the world - one person at a time.

I went to Thailand on a journey of justice. I wanted to learn more on this journey that I could bring back and share with others. To tell of the darkness that these amazing women had walked through and how they had arrived at The Well. I wanted to show God's love to these precious women, but God had other plans. He wanted to show me his hope and joy through someone he had redeemed. Redemption is beautiful.

God changed my trip. He showed me what redemption looks like. He showed me that he can step into someone's life and make them whole. I was surprised to find that I had not been on a journey of justice at all, but on a journey of joy. I did not even know that I had lost my own joy of the Lord until I saw it in these precious women and their children. God redeemed these priceless women and their lives, but he also took me half way around the world to show me what I had lost. He showed me that I had been looking at the wrong things...He showed me Joy.

So, here I stand. I stand on stage in front of groups of women. I stand behind a table covered with the most exquisite jewelry created by beautiful women from The Well. I stand and tell their stories - not of evil and darkness, but of redemption, hope...and joy.

Beautiful Dandelions

When our daughters were young, they would pick bouquets of dandelions for me. They would grin as I took down a vase to display the beauty of the flowers they proudly presented me. Dandelions provide many hours of joy in children's lives. Remember when we were young, playing the "butter" game? We would ask our friend a question and rub the flower on their cheek or hand depending on their answer, then they would have a yellow stain to display for the day! We would make dandelion crowns while pretending we were princesses. We had fun popping off the heads of the flowers or blowing the seeds into the wind and watching them float through the air and land all around us. As children, we grow up enjoying our life...seeing the beauty around us. We even believe that little yellow dandelions are beautiful flowers that we can use to create a dazzling bouquet for our moms.

When we grow up, we realize how silly we were to think that these ugly weeds were once beautiful.  We buy fertilizer to keep them away and would laugh if a friend ordered us a bouquet of dandelions.  Why are we so gullible when we are kids? Can you imagine receiving a handful of dandelions on a first date? What if your husband walked up to you with a fistful of dandelions and said, "Here honey, I heard you had a bad day at work today, so I bought you this amazing bouquet of...dandelions".

It seems silly to think these little yellow flowers were once a beautiful bouquet our mother had on the table to display our love for her. I wonder, though, if God sees us as dandelions. Does he wish to use us to display his love to the world?

God creates beautiful and delicate flowers to adorn this world with his love. He takes time to make them fun and brightly colorful. God paints the brilliant color onto these tiny blooms and he even has a plan for the future of the flower. That, after it blooms, the seeds of love will blow in the wind and spread his beauty for all to see.

There is only one problem. We look into the mirror and we forget what God created. We listen to the voice that grows like a weed within our hearts. "Why are you so gullible? Did you really think you were beautiful? How can God use a weed when he has other flowers much more useful..."

We believe this voice, this weed that spreads through our broken hearts. We forget that God created us to bring joy to others, to bring color to his creation, to create a canvas of beauty in this dark world and to spread the seeds of his love to those around. We believe the lies that tell us that God has made a mistake. We think that other flowers are more beautiful or useful than a small, insignificant weed.

When did we begin to see the dandelion, or ourselves, as a weed instead of a beautiful flower? When did we begin to believe the lies instead of the truth? Where were we when someone told us that we were really just a useless weed? What happened in our lives that popped the heads off our dreams?

I am not sure when it began, but I am here to remind you that God still sees you as a beautiful flower. He sees the joy you can bring to others. He wants to bring color to the canvas of your life. He is ready to spread the seeds of his love to those all around you. He wants you to know that you were created to be a beautiful flower.

When you step outside, if you see a dandelion, take a moment to stop and look at it's beauty. Forget what you have been told. See the flower as a child would. See the amazing color, the tiny details, the seeds that can spread on the wind. Then, remember that God created you to be his beautiful dandelion.

Disappearing Rodents

This week, I met a rodent-crushing soul mate.  Now, this is not a story for the faint of heart.  I would urge anyone with a love for rodents or a hate of a story of how one less rodent is living on this planet - to refrain yourself from reading further.

I have never much enjoyed rodents. Mostly mice and bats, but since our neighbor feeds squirrels and they are now eating my lawn furniture for lunch, I do include them in my "not enjoyable" category. It seems whenever these furry creatures have shown up in my different homes we have lived in through the years, that I have a fear and panic when they show up. Some have flown over my bed, eaten my Oreos out of our cupboard and have even scared me off the porcelain throne. Many of you may not know how frightening a small three inch mouse can be to those of us who do not put a welcome sign out for them.

As I mentioned above, this story is quite sad for rodent lovers - please be advised.  I do not condone this type of behavior nor do I encourage people to hurt any type of animal - unless your life and the lives of your children are in jeopardy! This is where I begin.

Of course, my husband was not home on this night.  I was home with my two young girls and one of their little friends.  I strolled into my dark kitchen and heard something.  It was not the girls giggling in the other room but a scurrying, scratching noise.  I immediately stopped mid-stride. My mind went back to tormented nights of seeing bats flying over my head while laying in my bed, or sleeping with a tennis racquet under my husband's side of the bed - and it was not for his practice sessions at midnight! As I stood frozen in the middle of the kitchen, I realized that this noise was coming from my sink. I slithered toward the sink in slow motion until I could peer over the edge.  Yes, it confirmed my fears.  There was a mouse in my sink! I must have let out a scream because the girls all ran into the kitchen to see what was happening. I was hopping up and down covering my mouth and trying to grab my phone to call 911. I pointed to the sink as the girls leaped up onto the opposite counter. They were giggling and squealing as they watched their mother try to protect their lives - okay, they were actually watching me jump up and down as they heard small screeching noises come from my hand covered mouth. I decided that the police may have more important matters to deal with than a mouse in my sink, although I could not imagine a more desperate situation as I looked into the beady little eyes of the furry creature eating food scraps and staring me right in the eyes. I decided to call one of our friends who would tell me how to deal with this situation. He was not much help as he laughed into the phone while I hyperventilated, trying to breathe as I told him that our lives were in danger. He jokingly mentioned the garbage disposal that was in the sink. Only, in my state of sheer panic and dizziness from the hyperventilation, I thought he had the answer to my problem. I looked over and spotted a bowl.

It happened so quickly, I can not be sure if what I write is what actually happened. I know that I trapped the rabid killer under the bowl. I turned on the water and, yes, the disposal. All I know is this - when I lifted the bowl, the mouse was gone! It was like a magic trick! Only, I tentatively forgot I had three young audience members watching this magic trick until I heard screams coming from behind me followed by a lot of "Ewww! Yuck!" and noses scrunched up behind their little hands that were covering their eyes. Oops. That is also when I remembered that I was on the phone - since my friend was yelling into my ear, "What was that?! You didn't actually turn on the disposal did you?!" I told him that it was HIS idea, but he called me a mouse murderer and I think I hung up.

For years, I have carried this burden of the disappearing mouse. I have told the story a few times and usually find it is not much of an "ice breaker", but just a conversation ender. I still don't like mice, but I look back and think that maybe I acted out of panic and wonder if there was another way out of the situation. Then, just as I came to the realization that I was a terrible person who caused terror in three young children - I met someone.

As I said, I do not condone or recommend this type of behavior. If you have children they will, as we say here in Michigan, "rat you out" - pardon the pun. This phrase means that when you are standing in a group of rodent lovers, they will choose this exact moment to bring up the time that you made one of their little friends magically disappear. Kids will always find the most inopportune time to share their story of terror when they once sat on a kitchen counter. This is exactly what happened to me this week. 

We were sitting among a birthday gathering. Some of the people, we had just met that night. I was talking to a woman about our dislike of rodents invading our homes and sharing our experiences of the past. This is when my teen daughter decides that it is a great time to bring up my story of torture. Since this does not show my best attributes, I was worried we would be leaving the party early. This is when it happened. The woman I was speaking with begins to shriek and laugh and clap her hands! I was still confused and wondering if we should be packing up our things when she told me her own story. She understood my panic, my fear and even understood my actions. This person, who I will not name, also used her disposal on a rodent! The bat that had been terrorizing her home and children "accidentally" fell into the sink, ergo, another disappearing trick!

I never thought I would meet a like-minded magician. We both allowed fear and panic to drive us to eliminating our little invaders. Have you ever allowed fear to control your actions? I have allowed it to control me in other areas at times. Fear of failing has caused me to not try new things or not do something God has asked me to do. Fear of other people's acceptance has caused me to agree with the crowd instead of standing up for someone who was not there to stand up for themselves. Fear has stopped me from making new friends with others who I thought may not accept me as I am. Fear, at times, has taken control of my dark nights. Fear can not only take over parts of our lives, but it can take control of our entire life if we allow it to.

The Bible says, "do not fear, for I am with you". Why do we let fear stop us from doing what we want to do? Why are we afraid of what our future holds when, actually, God is right there with us? I think sometimes we see fear scurrying into our lives, nibbling at our confidence and we begin to panic. We forget that God really is with us and we don't need to act out in fear, but we can stand tall and walk in confidence. When you find yourself in a panic, just call out to your Father in Heaven and ask that He will remind you that He is there - no magic tricks required.

God's Redeeming Love

Redeeming Love.  That is the name of my favorite book.  It talks about a girl who is handed a bad lot in life.  She turns into a woman who makes many wrong choices because she feels she deserves nothing better. Then, the amazing part happens - God shows up! He shows her that she is worthy of love and His love can redeem all of the brokenness of her past.  He reveals that Love can cover all wrongs. It is such a beautiful picture of what God can do.  He can redeem that which is lost.

Sometimes, it seems like this could never really happen in real life - only in fiction.  We feel that we are not worthy for God to show up when we mess up.  Why would God fix something that we broke?  We feel like this is only something that would happen to someone else, someone who is worthy.  

I was able to be a part of God's redeeming love this week.  It was overwhelming to sit in the midst of a story of God redeeming a relationship that had been broken.  It was my story.

Sometimes we make mistakes in life and what is left is a broken relationship.  We don't know how to fix it, so it just stays - broken.  It's funny that I have trusted God in so many places in my life, yet I did not ask for His help in fixing this. I could not figure out how to restore what was lost on my own, so I just accepted this as my lot in my life. My choices, my lot right? Wrong. This is not how God works. He does not leave you with your wrong because Love covers all wrongs.

I feel honored that God stepped in when I didn't ask Him to.  Did you know that if you trust God and try your best to follow Him that He can step into your life without you even asking Him to?  When you put your life into God's hands, He has the freedom to step in and speak Truth into your life because you are open to hearing His voice.  

God stepped into my life last week.  He brought up this broken friendship and kept pressing on my heart that this should be restored.  When God speaks truth into our lives, we don't have to listen.  We can ignore what He is asking, walk away and never see what He can do - or we can chose to listen and be amazed that Love really can cover all wrongs.

So yesterday, I sat across a booth and felt a feeling that was so overwhelming that I don't have the words to describe it. But I know what it was.  It was God redeeming what was lost. 

The American Dream...?

Sometimes  I get caught up in life and forget. I begin to look around and see all of the people, with all of the things. I begin to believe the host of the network is speaking truth. I begin to think that my faults are seen by everyone and if I could only be perfect - then, life would be too.

I have grown up in a middle class area of America my whole life. I forget what life is sometimes. I see what I see and follow what they say. Perfect is beautiful - not so perfect is not. Things will make it better and the more you have, the better your life will be....at least that is what they are telling me.

I sit here wondering...what about God?  Does He want perfect people to work with? Does He want me to collect all I can while here on earth?  This is what I am thinking...

When Jesus was on the earth - His best buddies smelled like fish and took a little extra cash on the job before meeting him. They never seemed to say the right things, and I did not read in any book of the Bible that they were Hebrew Top Models.They were ordinary, not perfect people. They did not have much according to the Israeli Times. They slept outside with Jesus many nights. They walked many miles without Louis Vuitton sandals and it even says they would eat as they traveled...Matthew 12:1 

I wonder why I always look around me and see what others have or what they do and decide who I am. I judge myself and sometimes others by the "American Dream". I need a nice car, nicer house and the best clothes in order to fit in. My body must look like an Olympic beach volleyball player if I want others to love me and think I am beautiful. I need many friends around me and we need to go out to many places so that many people will see that we are "cool". 

God loves each of us and I believe He is sad when He sees us believing the "American Dream" instead of God's Dream. He is sad that our lives revolve around things that will rust and be thrown away...instead of looking to God Himself for our happiness. It says in 1 John 4:8 that God is Love.  If you don't have love in your life right now... if you can't find the joy in your stuff anymore...look to God. He is waiting for us to look away from the mirror and the magazines and look for Him. He is there...when you seek Him with all your heart, you will find Him. 

What do you think? Should we begin to live a life of freedom and love? Can we learn to stop listening to the voices of this world that tell us who we are and what we should attain? Will we seek God and find our true meaning in life...our true happiness? Paul writes to the Galatians in the Bible and asks, "am I trying to please God or man?"

I am still trying to learn this lesson of listening to the right voice. It is difficult to not follow what the world is telling us...it is all around us, showing us what happiness looks like. I do know, though, that when I listen to God and choose to follow Him rather than the American Dream, I find peace, happiness and the freedom to be who God created me to be...just me.

Skinny Jeans

So, It seems I have reached the "mid-life crisis" time in my life...it feels strange to get older, but I really didn't know I was getting older till everyone around me became younger!  All of a sudden, college students look like they should still be in middle school.  Grandmothers look more like moms than grandmas.  Such a weird thing to happen, so maybe that is where the "crisis" comes from - everyone around me is getting younger - what is happening?? It's like the movie, "honey, I shrunk the kids" but with people's age instead of size! This definitely would be considered a crisis!

For instance, I am driving down the road, singing to Barry Manilow pumping out on my speakers, when I look over at the car next to me at the stop light and a tiny little 10 year old is sitting behind the wheel! I think it must be some kind of mistake, until I realize that the whole car is full of little 10 year olds enjoying their day out with their car thumping around them. Weird.  I walk into a Doctor's office and a nice old lady nurse takes my blood pressure.  I sit on the little table with paper while I wait to meet the new Doctor.  The next thing I know, in walks a high school kid dressed up like a Doctor! I try not to look alarmed and talk in a normal voice, but what is going on?? How can a high school kid be finished with years of medical school to now be a Doctor?  I used to watch Doogie Howser M.D. but, this is ridiculous!

One such event, where I realized my age, was after I went shopping with my friend - who is younger than me, by the way.  I had recently lost some weight and was looking for some "cute" jeans.  We attacked many stores in the mall searching for the ones I wanted, but none seemed to be "just right".  We dragged ourselves into the last store, and can you believe it? I found the PERFECT jeans! They fit! - a tad tight, but hey, I DID just arrive at this new size. They were a "new" look for me, but I was so excited they fit that I came out to show my younger friend.  My friend looked down at my legs with a strange expression on her face and smiled - or was it a giggle? - I guess I should have taken that as a sign.  I said, "I love them! They are so cute!" What was she supposed to say to that?  Well, she said, "are you sure?  They do look good, but..." Looking down at the torn, distressed jean, I was a tad doubtful now.  "Well...I guess my kids will laugh when I bring them home...maybe I shouldn't get them" I say with sad resignation.  

Then, I was saved by the 12 year old sales clerk! She was so cute as she smiled at me with her lip piercing (do 12 year olds get lip piercings?) and said, "Wow! Those look great! I wish my mom would wear something like that!" She was the best sales clerk I had ever met - and so honest too!  I looked in the mirror with a new light in my eye and skip to my step...yup ...that little sales clerk was sooo right! I do look good in these little trendy jeans.  So, I said - why not?  and took them to the register.  I was so excited, I felt as if I had just made a new friend...a very cute and trendy new friend!

Now, my girls were both teens at the time and I had already begun to hear them tell me things I was "too old" to be wearing.  Certain brands, for those of you who don't have teenage girls to teach you these things, are off limits after you turn 32 - or become a mom? Not sure, but possibly whichever comes first.  I had a feeling that my family would not appreciate my cute and trendy new jeans as much as I did, but I figured they would just let this one slide...you know? 

Have you ever bought something in a store only to bring it home and ask, "why did I buy this"?  I actually didn't have time to ask myself this question because my family was unexpectedly standing near the doorway when I arrived home from my shopping spree.  I decided to show them my adorable new trendy - not old lady - jeans.  I began to pull the jeans out of the bag when my oldest daughter made a strangled screeching type of sound.  I thought something terrible must have happened to her while standing next to me by the door.  As a concerned mother, I turned to look up at her and she was covering her mouth with her hands as her eyes bulged out of her head - she whispered in a strange, strangled voice, "Mom! They're....they're...BEDAZZLED!"  My youngest daughter started laughing and my husband was shaking his head.  Now, obviously, my kids don't know the meaning of bedazzled - that is when you create a design or pattern with rhinestone type beading gems.  These jeans were definitely NOT bedazzled.  Okay, they did have a few very large rhinestones on all four corners of the pockets, but they were not in any type of design or pattern... therefore, not bedazzled...silly kids!  They also didn't seem to think the tight skinny jean style with the ripped look in the front was something I should be wearing...hmm....that maybe a good point. 

I actually thought about keeping the jeans in my closet so I could wear them when I was alone in the house cleaning, it crossed my mind more than once, but I didn't.  I reluctantly took my "too young for me" jeans back to the store.  While I wiped a small tear from my eye, I said goodbye to my new cute and trendy friend. 

Just when I thought this terrible ordeal was over, the 50- something sales lady at the return counter looked at the jeans as she scanned my return.  She said, "Wow! These jeans are SOOOO cute!!"  I agreed, but explained that I had two teenagers who had taught me the truth about my age, and that I guess I was now officially too old to wear such a youthful thing.  The lady gave me a sympathetic smile as she said, "I understand".  I guess she had to return her new cute and trendy friend at one time in the past after bringing it home to show her teens...it actually made me feel warm inside that someone understood.  I am not the first to come to this clothing crisis in my life...other brave women have already walked this path.

To those of you who have gone ahead of me in this crisis of life, I thank you for your bravery to continue to seek out an "appropriate" style.  I applaud you for walking through the dark time of grief as you had to pass by the "youthful, trendy, yet inappropriate" stores in search for a more "mid-life" type of retail.  I will walk this path of "crisis" with the knowledge that I am not alone.  

For those of you who may not have entered into this process of certain items being "off limits" for you, please do not judge those of us who are strolling the mall with "mom" jeans or matching purple velor jogging suits...it was not our first choice, possibly not our second or third, but when you are in the middle of the "crisis" the choices begin to run out.  Do not be judgmental as you too will reach this place of mid-life at one point in your life.  I pray you will be able to walk into your mid-life as those before you...with a tear and with a smile, knowing you can finally wear that comfy purple velor suit...because nobody really cares anymore.  One thing that may help you as you step into this new world of "crisis" is the words of wisdom given to me by a friend in a card.  I have written the wise words here for you to hold onto.  This will be the wisdom that will help you through:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the fact

I cannot fit into some jeans;

the courage to wear the jeans I should;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Lessons from Mandy

Did you know that you can learn life lessons without taking a class?  I have learned many life lessons throughout the years but some of the most important were learned in high school.  I had an amazing friend in high school who became one of my best friends I have had in life.  Unfortunately, we both moved and did not stay in close contact as much through the years, but I will always remember what Mandy taught me about life. 

While in high school, many kids think they need to be "popular" or "cool".  I was neither.  I was not well known in school and I did not get invited to many "events" outside of my church youth group.  Mandy and I hung out at school and I was able to be myself around her.  She showed me that you don't have to be perfect to be pretty.  We would drive to DQ for our half hour lunch and put our lipgloss on as we drove back to class.  We knew we weren't as beautiful as some of the other girls in school, but when we were together, we didn't care.  We knew we were pretty and that our smiles would show the real beauty we had - the beauty inside. 

We would talk about God and boys and whatever else you talk about when you are 16.  I could talk to Mandy about anything.  She would tell me when I was chasing the wrong guy or looking for other people's approval when I should be worried about doing what was right.  Mandy and I talked for hours about nothing and everything.  I didn't worry about saying the "right" thing around Mandy, because we didn't have to be perfect - just ourselves.  It was so refreshing to not have to act one way around her and turn around to be another person when I was alone - that is a true friend...to be able to accept each other as you are and love each other anyway.

One thing I remember the most about hanging out with Mandy was her laugh.  We laughed together all the time.  I think we talked and laughed through most of our choir class we took our senior year!  We giggled and were silly and many other kids thought we were a little strange I think, but the fun part about it was that we didn't care what the other kids thought - we just had a lot of fun!  I remember falling into fits of laughter until tears were streaming down our faces and our stomachs hurt...over absolutely nothing!  

We actually signed up for a bike trip for our church youth group.  The bike trip took us from Flint, Mi all the way to Mackinaw Island, which was a very long trip!  Why did we sign up to ride a ten speed bike 80 miles a day for 5 days through the baking sun and pouring rain? Is it because we loved the wind on our faces? Was it the fashionable bike helmets we had to wear? Could it be for the amazing cardio exercise of riding a bike for miles on end? Nope...it was boys.  We spent a week in pup tents and rain and sore muscles just because most of the other teens who had signed up for this trip was BOYS! It is funny what you will do with a friend when you are only sixteen.  We would wake up and fix our hair in a small outdoor "restroom" before walking over to our bikes and buckling our helmets on! Yes, we were a little crazy.

I hope that you will be as lucky as I was to have a friend in your life like Mandy.  A friend you can talk to, cry with, laugh with and just be yourself with.  I have had many other friends throughout my life, but none like Mandy.  She was the silly fun friend that I could let loose and just enjoy life with.  Thank you Mandy for being a true friend.  You showed me how to laugh and enjoy the moment. You taught me that it is okay to be myself and not worry about what others think about me.  You showed me that I can have a lot of fun while living for God...and you showed me that sore muscles can be worth it sometimes! Love you girl...

Our 20th Anniversary!

When I began this Blog, I didn't intend it to be a journal of my life.  My daughter had told me that is what a Blog is supposed to be, basically, a "log" of things happening.  I enjoy reading other people's Blogs of all the interesting things they are doing around the world.  It just doesn't seem that my life is all that interesting compared to those living in the jungle, so I planned to write stories and just try out blogging to see how it went.  Well, lately, our lives and my Blog have been full of events, birthdays and other happenings.  I guess my Blog will change along with our life.  I will create original stories one day, then stories of my life another.  I am excited to be able to share what I am learning and what God teaches me in my life.  Well...I don't really have a story today, but I do have a special event.  It is my husband and my 20th Anniversary!  We have been married for 20 years...I can't believe it!  I just realized, which makes me feel a tad old...that I have been married for half my life!

Now that I am older and wiser, I guess I will pass along a little of what I have learned through the years.  To you who are not yet married, pray for your future spouse.  Don't just plead with God to give you a "good man" - pray for the attributes you want in a husband.  Pray for that man and the family he grows up with.  My husband and I pray for our two girls' future husbands.  We have prayed for their husbands from the time they were born - actually, before they were born!  This is such an important thing in life.  You want God to match you with who He has for you.  God knows exactly who you are and who you need in your life because He knows what your journey holds.  

I thank God for Dennis.  He is exactly what I need in my life.  We love to head to the beach together in the summer months to just sit and enjoy the water, boats and a cold Coke while reading a book or listening to our iPods.  He is kind, loving, handsome and makes me a better person.  That is what you want in a mate.  Someone who loves you as you are, but encourages you to be a better you.  Someone who enjoys spending time with you even if you are just sitting on the beach reading different books together.  Dennis is quite different than me...I tend to look at the negative things in life - he always sees the positive.  I am just a bit impatient when driving (my kids have exaggerated before and have called it road rage).  Dennis slams on the brakes, smiles at the other driver who almost sent us into the ditch and keeps singing the song on the radio!  I sometimes tend to complain about people or events that happen in my daily life. Dennis just nods and never has anything negative to say.  He has taught me how to be more like Christ.  Love others even when it is tough, don't talk down on anyone and always put God first, family second and life will be blessed.  Now, I didn't say you would have a perfect life or be rich, but God can bless you even through difficult times.  He can bless you with peace, joy and a knowledge that you are doing what God wants you to do.

Pray that God will lead you and your husband in what God has planned for your life.  The world tells us to get a career, stay with it and retire with a good income.  God says, "follow me".  I am not saying that if you have a career or retire from the same position after 40 years, that you were not following God.  I am just encouraging you to ask!  Pray first about what God has for your life.  Sometimes, we plan our lives and don't even bother to ask God what He has planned for us.  If we leave God out of the plan, we will miss many of His blessings.  God has lead Dennis and I many places and a few times we have had to move to a new city.  The amazing thing is this:  we would both know what our next step was and have a peace about it before moving ahead. God told Dennis and I both when we were to be done living in one city and when to begin to pack for the next.  We have lived on faith at times, packing before God shows us where we were going!  

I remember one such time in our lives...it happened during church camp up in northern Michigan.  Dennis was praying for the service in a back room with another Pastor while I was sitting out in the service alone.  I was enjoying worship time, but as I sang, I felt a stirring in my soul.  I can't explain it really, but I knew we would be done as Pastor and wife at our church soon.  I was singing a song but feeling nervous about leaving a wonderful church family who had become our family in the six years we were there.  I was questioning God on  how we could leave and begin again in a new place with two young girls.  As I sat down, a man directly in front of me had a t shirt on with a saying on the back.  I read his shirt, "Celebrate new beginnings".  I knew God was speaking to me and I knew that shirt had just answered my question.  No one had spoken to me, no big lightning bolts, but God had spoken through the silence and I knew we would be moving.  As Dennis came out of the building, I was waiting for him.  It was a beautiful sunny day and I remember the Chapel behind Dennis and his slow gait across the grass. We looked at each other and I knew - he knew.  I just said, "we're done here, aren't we?"  He hugged me and said, "yes".  He had been praying in the back room and felt God speak to him about us leaving our home to begin someplace else - he was trying to figure out how he would tell me when the service was over!  

This seems to be our life!! God has lead us to five different cities with our two girls.  Some people did not understand how we could pick up and move so easily to new cities while our girls were still in school.  What they didn't know was that it was not easy, but very difficult to leave a comfortable place to go into the unknown, but we also had a peace that we were doing what God wanted and an excitement to see what God had planned for us next.  What our girls learned, other than how to be a "new kid" at school, is how to follow God.  Though it was heartbreaking to watch my two little girls say goodbye to friends, I have a full heart knowing my girls know how to listen first to what God has planned for them before they step out on their own.  If they listen to God first, they will not miss the blessings God has for their life...even in the tough times.

I have learned that my husband is my best friend.  I can talk to him about anything - even when I am complaining!  One thing I love most about being married to Dennis is dreaming with him about our future.  After that day at camp, when we felt our life was changing, we began to pray and seek out what was next.  We felt that God wanted us to begin a new church and we had even gotten direction from our church district of where we could begin this new adventure.  Dennis and I went out for dinner on a "dream date" as we call it.  We threw out ideas of what we could do, how to begin a new church, what we wanted a new church to look like, what we would want presented to those who never went to a church and how we would take this next step together.

We have taken many new steps in the world together and I have loved sharing this adventure called life with Dennis.  We plan to continue to seek God in our next steps. God has shown us how much He can change our lives even while staying in one city!  Dennis has begun writing a book that should be done this summer and I have begun a new adventure speaking out for women who are at risk of being forced into a life of sexual exploitation around the world.  I can tell you...both of us never knew we would be doing these two things in our lifetime! God has so many surprises and adventures for us...and for you...if you just ask Him first what His plan is for your life.

Happy Anniversary Dennis! I love you and I am so glad we can continue to dream together...and see what the next adventure is around the corner...hopefully it includes the beach! See you tonight on our "dream date".

Her 15th Birthday

It's her 15th birthday today! How can this be? My little toddler dragging around her two, yes two, blankets wherever she goes to hanging out at the mall with her friends.  Soon she will be driving - she has already been asking to practice in an empty lot, which we have been able to put off till now.  But, we all know she will learn to drive, learn to fly...learn to be who God has created her to be.

That is the one thing I pray she will hold onto as tightly as she held onto those two blankets when she was a toddler.  That God has created her to be something amazing.  It says in Psalm 139:13, "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb".  Yes, she was created when she was still inside of me.  God knit her together to be who she is supposed to be.  God created her for a certain purpose.  We see glimpses of it, but I am excited as the years pass to see how it will all be put together for God's purpose.  I see a happy teen, a fun girl who likes to laugh with her friends.  I see someone who is intelligent and witty.  One thing I love about Morgan is that she can talk to anyone - she can sit with a toddler and play with a bear, or sit with an elderly person and ask about their day.  She sat with a Pastor who was visiting from Africa and before we knew it, they were teasing each other about her dislike of plane rides.  She has such an easy spirit about her and she can get along with almost anyone around.

I know that God is already using Morgan's life to touch those around her. God created Morgan with a plan, and that plan  includes a time in her life as a 15 year old teen.  God doesn't wait to use us when we graduate, or when we get a career...or when we finally "reach our dream".  God is so much greater than we can see or understand.  He is using a young teenage girl to be a friend, to cheer up her mom with a hug when she has a bad day, to hang out with her dad on the tennis courts and be a sister to be silly with.  God has used her in school with not only her classmates, but to effect the lives of her teachers and those around her. She is a kind and faithful friend who creates laughter almost anyplace she goes.  God is not waiting for her to grow up in order to show her the "reason" she was created...she was created for now.  For her 15th Birthday - to go have dinner and share a DQ ice cream cake with her family.  

I am so glad God created Morgan.  I am glad that I am able to be a part of this plan for her life.  She will be 16 before we know it and driving her friends to the mall, but for now...Happy 15th Birthday Morgan!  I know God's purpose for your life has already begun and I am excited to see what's next.  Thanks for letting us be a part of it all.

Last Day of High School

It's her last day of high school.  I can't believe how fast the time has flown by.  When my daughters were young and I was chasing them around, I remember the older women in our church would say with a sad, far-away look in their eyes, "I know it is hard, but enjoy them now because it goes by fast and then they are gone".  Back then, I didn't think it would ever arrive.  Who knew that the tiara and flowing princess dress would turn into a flat, square cap and matching gown?  

Watching my little 3 year old who sang her words and talked to anyone who walked by turn into a young lady who speaks with respect and smiles at those around.  My 6 year old teetering on a skateboard and roller blades has turned into a 16 year old driving an old red mustang with broken windshield wipers. My 10 year old girl who thought she knew everything changes and knows she is just learning what she will need to know.  My 12 year old who wanted to try everything new is now beginning to step out to do just that.  My 15 year old who wanted to learn to drive a car so bad is now going to drive that car down to a University in Indiana very soon.

My daughter is sad to end one chapter in her life, but she has read enough books to know there is another chapter beginning as she turns the page.  This chapter has taught her how to have wisdom in tough situations, how to depend on God when there seems to be no one else to depend on, how to be a leader when you don't plan to lead and how to enjoy life in the midst of crazy, busy days!

I am so proud of my daughter as she steps out of her high school for the last time.  She has shown me that within the halls of life, she has chosen to look to God as her teacher.  Today, she will walk out the doors of this red and white world and open the door to an amazing world of color!  God, as her teacher, will be by her side as she walks down the sidewalk and into another life.  She will not have to begin the next chapter alone.  She is praying, as I and her dad are, for God to lead her in her next steps.  I know that God will show her what that is!

Congratulations Mackenzie! We love you and are very Proud of you...

My Big Brother

To be honest with you, I have a terrible memory.  I may have already told you that in one of my previous blogs, but I don't remember if I did or not!  Sometimes I feel bad that I can't remember things from my past.  I have some friends who speak about their childhood and high school years as if it was yesterday - believe me, it wasn't.  I only have small snapshots of my past. I am not sure why my brain works like that.  I had a happy and safe childhood, I just don't seem to have it on a film running through my brain...just small glimpses into the past.

Some of the things I remember are things I did with  my brother...like having a water gun battle in the basement, then getting in trouble together. The next thing I remember is wiping the dripping water off the walls with towels, towels and more towels!  We cheered for each other as we took turns water skiing up north at our grandparents' cottage...we tried skiing together on two ropes a few times, but he kept spraying me with his slalom ski as he went back and forth, so I think I was the one to stop that "fun" idea.  We found a turtle while canoeing and took it back to Grandpa's garage to paint our names on the top before paddling back into the lily pads to send him home.

One time, we set up a huge neighborhood production of "Star Wars" in our back yard with the neighbor kids.  We built a large space ship out of a box and acted out what we thought was the movie.  I was so excited to be Princess Leia and my friend, who was a boy, was Luke Skywalker. My excitement faded when the older kids, including my brother, said we HAD to kiss to make the play complete. So that is when I got my first, very fastest kiss - YUCK!

My brother used to play little league baseball, so I would tag along with my parents to watch all his games.  I thought it was great since I would be able to get candy and a "graveyard" from the concession stand to keep me entertained during the game.  Many of you may not know this delicious drink I speak of, but back in the day, they only had a few choices of fountain pop.  We would get them ALL in one cup together - Coke, Sprite, Orange, and Root Beer! We thought we were the coolest. 

It's funny the things you remember about the past. The small snapshots I remember are also filled with emotions.  If I had to figure out an emotion that I felt when I was with my brother it is: safe.  I knew my brother would take care of me.  I was excited to follow him wherever he went when I was little or have him drive me places when we became teens.   I always felt safe by his side because he was my big brother.

As we grow older, and my brother has another birthday, I look back and thank God for giving me a brother to grow up with.  My oldest daughter is going away to college this fall, but you know what I realized?  She will be living in the same town as my big brother.  As I say goodbye to my little girl, I look back and see myself as a little girl again...I see my brother by my side and I know she will be fine.  My brother and his amazing wife will provide a safe place for her when she needs it.  They will be there when I am too far away to give her a hug.  You see...when you can't remember the memories of the past, you are always able to create new ones!  My daughter will now have new memories of spending a few weekend nights around my brother's bonfire, sharing a Coke or a "graveyard" and a few silly stories of kids playing "Star Wars" and having water gun battles in a basement. 

Happy Birthday Big Brother! Thanks for growing up by my side...take care of my little girl for me.

God, where's my map?

So, Have you ever thought you had things all figured out? Have you finally found the perfect job or the "just right" outfit and you felt as if all in the world is just as it should be?  Did you feel as if you have finally arrived at the destination that was planned for you? Not many of us have gotten to this point in our lives, but let me tell you a secret...if you get there, it will change...It is funny how life changes. Sometimes, it changes throughout a few years, and other times it changes in a moment.


God seems to use these changes in life to mold us into who we need to be.   One of my favorite books is "Hinds Feet on High Places".  The main character in the book is seeking out the place where she can live in peace and harmony with God.  She climbs a mountain, then...she realizes the trail she is on has switched it's course and she is heading toward the valley down below.  She is so confused as to why God would lead her on a path heading the "wrong way".  Later, through all of the twists and turns in her journey, she realizes that the very roadblocks that she thought was detrimental to her final destination...was actually the real journey that God had planned for her.  This journey of pain, sorrow, hardships, joy, happiness and accomplishments was exactly the road she had to take in order for her to become who she was ultimately created to be.  Without these life events, she would never become who she was meant to be...she would never reach her final destination if she did not follow the right path to get there.


Lately, I felt as if I was the character in this book.  I thought I had things all figured out! I knew the path I was on. I could see the place ahead that I knew God had finally brought me to. Then, all of a sudden, I looked up and the road took another turn!  What happened to the road I saw coming up next?  What happened to the future I knew God was showing me?  I was so confused as to how this could happen when I was sure I knew exactly what was on the map!  I had prayed, searched, and finally found my place - so I thought.  I was real comfortable with where I was headed, then all of a sudden...I lost the map!


Sometimes in life, our map is taken from us.  God is waiting for us to rely on Him for our next step, our next adventure.  How do we learn to have faith if we already see the finish line?  How do we trust God when we already know what is ahead?  That is where God and I differ.  You see, I think it would save us a lot of time and whining (okay, the whining is all me) if God would just hand me the map of my life and I could see where this next road is going.  I like to know where I am going.  I don't like to take a trip without having some kind of plan as to what we will be doing or where we will be going.  I don't even like taking a walk unless I have some kind of destination! (preferably an ice cream establishment)  I question God at times as to why He doesn't just let me know ahead of time which way I will be turning...at least I could turn on a blinker or some sort of warning for those who have to travel with me - like my husband and kids!  The problem is, if I have a map, I will no longer be looking at God.  I will be looking down at all the turns that are coming, stressing if I will make it through the roadblocks and construction coming in my life.  I know I would be taking more classes on how to maneuver through mountainous roads than I would about the Bible - which is supposed to be our real road map for life.  God gave us the Bible so we can hear His voice when we can't hear His voice.  The Bible has so many stories of people who had roadblocks in their life.  It shows how they survived, how they trusted God and changed other people's lives by looking to God instead of a map.


One story in the Bible that I love is about a man named Daniel.  He continued to pray to God even when a law was passed that you could not pray to anyone except the king.  So, he was set up by a few jealous co-workers and he was arrested.  His punishment was to be thrown into a den of hungry lions and be eaten alive.  I am sure at this moment, as they were walking toward the growling lions, that Daniel wondered why God did not warn him about this. Well, if I was Daniel, I would be asking where this turn was located on the map.  Why end a perfectly good journey with a dead end?  It just doesn't seem like good timing to be eaten alive by lions...but, is there ever a good time for that?


If you read the story, you will find out that Daniel was not eaten that night.  He lounged the whole night with drooling wide- eyed cats, but they never ate him.  They didn't even lay a paw on him.  When the king's posse came the next morning, they found Daniel sitting with the lions perfectly uneaten.  I'll bet the king who had sent him to the lions did not see this on the map!  The king made a new law when he saw how amazing Daniel's God was - how He had protected Daniel from the lions of death.  The new law stated that everyone would now be free to worship Daniel's God!  This dead end on Daniel's map changed a nation!


In the New Living Translation, Proverbs 20:24 is translated as,  "The Lord directs our steps, so why try to understand everything along the way?"  This is something I need to remember...if I ask God to be the map maker of my life, then I need to let Him direct my steps even if I don't understand where I am going or why I am heading there.  

If you plan your life out, draw your own map and start heading down the path...you will be missing out on what God has for you.  You will miss out on becoming who God created you to be.  You may arrive at the destination you were seeking when creating your personal map, but you will not arrive in peace.  You will always be missing something along the way...something that you just can't figure out.  You may even take a few pit stops to try to fill your life with something you think will patch the pot hole that is there.  I want you to know, even if you arrive at the "right" destination in your life, you will not arrive as the right person unless you take the road God has for you.  The reason God has twists, turns, mountains and valleys mapped out in your journey is for you to transform into the perfect you.  He wants you to be the best you can be...the most amazing person that He envisioned you to be when you were created.  We all have a map.  God has the steps for us to take, we just have to allow Him to direct us as we travel.


So, forget your map and GPS, look to God instead.  Trust His plan for your life and enjoy the travels! He has many adventures planned and you may be surprised at who you will become as you continue your journey following God's map - even if you can't see it! 




Pack your bags...your going on a Road Trip!

Stuck in Ordinary

Have you ever felt like you were repeating the same thing over and over again?  Does your life ever feel as if you are stuck in the "Groundhog Day" movie, where the man relives the same day over and over again?  I think many of us can relate to this monotonous reliving of the same routine, day in and day out.  I work in a Special Needs classroom.  I don't feel like I am reliving the same day over and over again...I actually AM living the same day over and over again! 


We teach the kids how to add, tell time and even how to say simple phrases such as "girl scouts" instead of "scout girls".  When we arrive at school the following day....we hear about how "scout girls" went and then listen to them count without the number 6.  Do you ever feel as if your following a path that will never lead to where you wanted to go?


I realized today that God maybe feels the same way about me.  He tries to teach me how to follow Him, to trust Him and how to have joy in the midst of an ordinary day.  I listen and I am doing so good...until I wake up the next day.  I seem to forget so soon that God can be in the middle of my ordinary.  God can be in the routine.  God wants to use us when we are stuck in our real life "Groundhog Day"....but how can He use us if we forget how to follow?  How do we make the right choices if we choose not to trust?  How do we have joy when we refuse to believe?


The verse at the top of my blog is Romans 15:3: " May the God of Hope fill you with all Joy and Peace as you Believe in Him."  I think many times I don't want to believe.  I think God has left me in the middle of ordinary and gone ahead to show the perfect life to someone else.  When I look at all of the ordinary and difficult things in front of me, I forget.  I forget to trust...I forget to believe...that God is there.  He is in the middle of my ordinary, difficult day.  He is ready to fill me with all joy if only I would believe that He could give me joy in the midst of my perfectly not perfect day.


It's funny, because the rest of this verse tells me what God would do with me if I just believed He could.  The rest of the verse reads, "so that you may overflow with Hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."   God doesn't give us joy and peace so that we will have a fun day at work.  He gives this to us...so that we may overflow with Hope!  What does overflow mean?  It means that something runs over...and out...onto all that is around.  Our hope is meant to flow out of us...onto all who are around.  The verse tells us that God's Spirit will give us the power...the power to share our hope in the middle of an ordinary day....all we have to do is, "Believe in Him". 


So, tomorrow I will start again...not only the same routine..again and again..but what God has been trying to teach me...again and again.  To believe in Him...that He is with me when I don't see Him.  To believe I can have joy and peace smack dab in the middle of my ordinary....and to overflow with hope all over those around me!

Did you ever dream of becoming a Princess?

Every little girl dreams of becoming a princess and living in a castle...at least I did!  I dressed up in the robe and tiara as I waved my wand and commanded the attention of those around.  I grew up watching all of the princess movies...to be honest, I still do! They all end in a fairytale...or I guess, maybe they are the fairytale.  One of my favorite stories in the Bible is of a girl named Esther, who becomes not only a princess...but a queen and ends up living in the castle.  She probably grew up in a small home not far from the palace.  I am sure she would look at the palace and dream of what it would be like to be royal - a dream she knew would never come true.

Her story was not quite a fairytale or a dream.  It was more of a nightmare, if you read the story...she was stolen from her home by soldiers who were searching for beautiful young women to "interview" with the king for the position of his queen.  Esther joined hundreds of other girls who were "chosen" to be taken to the king's palace.  They had one year of beauty treatments before they were even allowed their one chance to be "interviewed".  If the girl was pleasing to the king, she would be chosen as his queen.  It seems that Esther wanted to please the king and she showed this by asking her supervisor what she should wear when she went for her "interview".

It amazes me that someone who was stolen from home and kept in a palace for one year still wanted to do the right thing.  She wanted to be chosen as queen.  She saw that although her life had not turned out as she planned, that God must still be in control.  Esther knew that God was her ultimate King.  I believe she wanted to please the king because she knew that God had a plan.  God must know what He was doing by allowing her life to turn out this way...stuck in a palace to compete in an ultimate beauty pageant.

One of my favorite parts of the story is when it says that Esther "found favor with the King"...that is what we all ultimately want, isn't it?  To find favor with the King?  How do we begin to find favor with the King of Kings?  I think it all begins as we learn to trust.  Sometimes, we think the plans we create are better than what God can design for us.  When we put our trust in the King, we are turning over our own plans in exchange for His plan and purpose for our lives.  

I thought I had my life all planned out.  I was working at a school, the wife of a pastor, mother of two girls.   What more could God do with me?  He seemed to be using my life for good.  I tried my best to show God's love to those around me, but I still felt like something was missing.  Then, I asked God, "what is my part? what is my purpose?".  I wanted to see His favor.  I wanted to see what more He could do with my life.  Then, my life changed.  I learned about girls like Esther, who were stolen from their homes but they did not have a fairytale ending.  They were trafficked and used by others who didn't see them as God did.  It broke my heart and caused me to want to do something more.  I began to speak, travel and write.  I began to see that God has a bigger plan than my own.  I feel humbled that God would use me to reach out across the world to help others. Sometimes, I feel as if I have found the "favor of the King".  He has chosen to use me even though I am just an ordinary girl.

At times, it is difficult for us to look at our circumstances and trust that God has a plan and purpose for our lives, but that is exactly what God is waiting for.  He is waiting for us to trust Him with our lives...to trust Him as our King. When we finally let go of our plans and seek out the future the King has designed for us, that is when He shows us what we are really created for...to be royalty.  When we seek out the true heart of God, that is when our identity becomes a part of His identity.  Do you know what your identity really is when you put your trust in God?  You are the daughter of a King...the King of Kings. You are a Princess and that's no fairytale!